A Clean Start
by sugar230
Summary: Everyone has some things to get used to after Nick's experience in Grave Danger. Takes place after season finale Grave Danger. Rating is very safe! COMPLETE! PLEASE R
1. Changes

Disclaimer: I am, unfortunately, not the owner of CSI or any of its related characters, etc.

**This takes place after the last season finale Grave Danger. Enjoy!**

Nick walked slowly up the hallway towards the break room. It was a hallway he'd walked a million times, joking with Warrick, avoiding the worst assignments from Griss, but for some reason the hallway seemed very different from what he remembered. Everything felt different. Amazing how spending a day buried alive can change a person's perspective.

Upon entering the break room Nick was greeted by the night shift crew. Greg, Sara, Catherine and Warrick all jumped up to welcome him back. He saw this as only slightly pointless seeing as how they'd all seen him repeatedly over the past few weeks; but he appreciated it all the same. The only one missing was Grissom, which initially struck Nick as odd because Grissom was rarely away from work, but he was spared the need to wonder dully whether the bug-driven workaholic had finally found himself more of a life by the entrance of said workaholic with a few case folders tucked under one arm.

"I know it's a bit strange for me to have called you all here like this" Grissom began when he saw that they were all present, "but now that the team's all back to working form," (he glanced shortly at Nick as he said this), "I have an announcement I'd like to make. Why don't you all sit down."

Everyone in the room looked curiously at Grissom as they clambered into the chairs surrounding the large table in the center of the room. Grissom remained standing and prepared to address them, it was something he was not looking forward to saying, and had been avoiding for quite some time.

"Alright everyone, you all remember what happened a couple of weeks ago."

A shudder passed through the room as each of its occupants remembered vividly how the events that passed had affected them. None took as long to recover from the fresh memory as Nick, whose intense therapy treatments were only recently beginning to improve his newly acquired claustrophobia.

"Well since then," Grissom continued once he saw his team was focused again, "things have been relatively slow…we've really just been waiting for things to get back on track."

The team nodded slowly in agreement. Where was he going with this?

"Brass already knows what I'm about to tell you. I've been discussing it with him since Nick…well for a couple of weeks now. I'm not sure whether you are all aware of this but there's an hereditary disorder of the ear called …well you really don't need to know what it's called, suffice it to say my hearing has been affected recently as you may have noticed. I had an operation recently and it improved my hearing considerably, but I've since been informed that the hearing loss will be complete within…within a few more weeks."

5 pairs of eyes stared blankly at Grissom. No one could quite believe the words that were reaching their ears.

"Anyways, I realize that hearing is an essential part of what we do here and as such, I'm giving up my position to…to Catherine. With Cath in the lead, the team will all be together again, without anyone taking any cuts. I'll keep working with you guys, under Catherine's lead, as long as I can. It…I mean I wanted the team back."

Grissom's slight stuttering barely registered to the group in the break room. None of them had ever heard a speech so long out of their boss, who normally kept himself limited to short puns appropriate to the situation. They all stared blankly as, without another word, Gil Grissom walked out of the room and back into his office.

Nick lounged casually on the couch in the break room, waiting for his first assignment in weeks. The only other person in the room was Grissom, sitting at the table and reading a novel. Nick didn't know what it was about but assumed it had something to do with either bugs or roller coasters. Warrick, Sara, and Greg had all been sent on their assignments already.

Catherine walked into the room with a case-folder tucked under her right elbow, holding a coffee cup in the left. "Alrighty boys time to get to work!" Catherine tried her best to mask the discomfort she felt in ordering around the self-demoted Grissom. She decided it would be least awkward if she attempted to keep things on a friendly basis, as they'd always been. _No need for orders_.

As Grissom and Nick stood up, eager looks on both their faces; Catherine took her first glance at the contents of the brown folder tucked under her arm. As she read the case details her face fell.

"Actually," she hastily added glancing towards Nick whose face quickly fell to match her own, "Griss and I can handle this one Nick, why don't you see if you can give the others a hand with their evidence when they get back from the crime scene. They should be back within a few minutes."

"Come on Cath, I've been waiting weeks to get back on the job. I want to be out in the field." Nick immediately interjected on his own behalf, no way was someone keeping him from going to the crime scene after how long he'd been waiting. "I can do this, I'm ready!" _I need to do this_.

"Nick I don't think – "

"Too bad boss, I'm coming along. I promise I'll be fine." And with that Nick walked out of the break room and followed Catherine and Grissom out of the building, ready to finally re-enter the world he had been away from for far too long.

The trip to the crime scene seemed to Grissom to take far long than any he could remember. Fortunately for him Nick (who was riding with him and sitting in the passenger seat) seemed as disinclined to talk as he was. To alleviate a small amount of the tension Grissom switched on the radio to some country station and was then satisfied that he could remain silent with his own thoughts.

He had finally done it. He'd come clean. To everyone. Grissom turned over the events of the last 24 hours slowly in his head. After years spent avoiding his condition, it was almost a relief to him for everything to be out in the open.

Of course, he hadn't properly estimated the reactions of his co-workers (but then, when had he ever been able to accurately judge people's reactions?). Upon receiving his news his friends hadn't showered him with pity or disbelief, as he had been worried they would. On the contrary, they had all accepted his news without complaint. Certainly, they had all been shocked at this sudden upturn in the politics of the lab, but they'd recovered quickly, offered him their support, and things had quickly returned to their almost normal flow. _I suppose things move to quickly to slow down for long no matter what happens to me._

More awkward than anything had been learning to take orders again. For so long Grissom had gotten used to being in charge and had always been granted the last word. Fortunately for the lab, Catherine had been right in telling him that she could do his job. He had been very impressed, even if he preferred not to admit it out loud, with how quickly the new lead had taken to her position, and how smoothly she had kept things going. Everyone seemed to be adjusting well to the new swing of things…now he just had to too.

While Grissom was busy mulling over these thoughts, he'd managed to steer himself to the crime scene. He was pulled out of the silence when Nick announced that they were where they were supposed to be and, after a quick, and somewhat sloppy, park job, they were both out of the car and ready to roll, kits in hand.

"Did Cath tell you what we're dealing with?" Nick enquired as they walked towards the police tape separating the scene from any over-inquisitive individuals.

"No." Grissom answered. And he suddenly realized how strange it was for them to enter a situation with no idea as to what was waiting for them. He looked around to try to get a better idea of what they were dealing with.

Nearby were several SUV's and about 20 people, all of who seemed to be laboring in a concentrated area, but Grissom couldn't make out what they were doing. Beyond them, the desert stretched out for miles in every direction with nothing but the odd tree to break the monotonous landscape. The sun was only beginning to set and Grissom knew they would have to work quickly to gather any important evidence before the sunset was complete and they were draped in shadow.

As Nick and Grissom walked slowly towards the crime scene, ever vigilant for the odd clue that could end up breaking the case for them later on, Catherine pulled out of her car behind them and Brass walked towards them with his head down.

"What's he doing here?" Brass yelled over their heads to Catherine as he jerked a thumb in Nick's direction. He seemed mortified to see him at the scene, a reaction that greatly confused both Nick and Grissom, neither of whom were used to seeing any display of emotion out of the hardened detective.

"I tried to stop him Brass," Catherine said quickly after jogging slightly to catch up with the group.

"You shouldn't have come"

"Come on you guys," Nick finally spoke up. "I know what I'm doing!"

"Suit yourself" Brass finally said, though he still looked as though he doubted whether Nick should be there at all. He slowly lifted the tape and allowed the three investigators near the men who continued to labor in the small pit they'd dug.

Nick froze in his tracks as he realized what he was seeing.

"28 year old female. Reported missing just over 24 hours ago. She was buried alive; we didn't find her in time. The coroner estimates time of death at two hours ago."

Catherine and Grissom both turned their attention to Nick, worried about how this type of situation would affect him. Their concern was returned only with a determined look from Nick as he put on a pair of plastic gloves and slowly approached the newly opened grave, camera in hand.

**Ok then! This is my first ever fanfic and I welcome any criticism you may have but please keep it kind. I'm sure you've already figured out that the things in italics are thoughts so there's no need to point that out. Please review! **


	2. Too familiar

**Once again I unfortunately do not own CSI (but wouldn't that be awesome?) Thanks to everyone who took the time to review and…to everyone who didn't, I hope you're enjoying reading the story anyway!**

Catherine had not had an enjoyable drive to the crime scene. Sitting alone in her SUV, she wondered dully whether she'd done the right thing in letting Nick come along on this assignment. The silence did nothing to ease her worry so she switched on the radio. Good old Rock n' Roll, unfortunately, was unable to drive the thoughts out of her head.

The last thing Nick needs right now is to investigate a case where someone was buried alive. I'm the boss now I can't let Nick suffer any more than he already has. I can't believe I'm the boss now. How can I be the boss of Grissom? There's no way this isn't going to be awkward.

Thoughts like these continued to plague her all the way out of the city and into the desert, where she knew she would have to eventually break the news to Nick and Grissom of why they were out there and what they could expect.

* * *

Now Catherine stood, watching Nick approach the body partially buried in the warm earth. _Well you've really done it this time. How could this not affect him?_ She motioned to Grissom to join her a few feet away and both began looking for any clue that may have been further from the burial site. It was time to put aside her feelings of angst and swallow her pride. It was time to ask for help from the old boss.

"Now what?" Catherine was surprised when Grissom opened their conversation with the exact words she had been preparing to use.

"I should never have let him come."

"Well it's too late for that now Cath…err boss…we'll just have to help him get through this."

Catherine decided now was not the time to smirk at Grissom's apparent discomfort with her new position on the team. He was right…as usual. _Just where did he find this kind o insight?_

Nick knelt carefully in the dirt, uncaring that he was getting covered in dirt. He purposely avoided looking at either of his fellow CSI's, he knew that they'd be watching him closely for any sign that he couldn't handle this assignment. He couldn't let them see how bothered he was by this situation or it was likely he would be taken off the case. He needed to prove to himself that he could handle being back at work. So, shuddering only inwardly, he moved closer to the woman's body and began looking for any clue as to how she got there.

It was meticulous work. He started by snapping photos of the scene, first of the grave, then some close ups of the woman's face, her hair, and her naked body. She had obviously been through a lot. _More than anyone should ever have to go through._

When he was finished snapping pictures he set aside his Nikon and took out a small flashlight. The sun was setting quickly and he knew that he would need as much light as possible to find anything too small to have been noticed by the others. Catherine and Grissom were nearby, each struggling with their own thoughts and holding their own investigations. Nick was left almost alone – aside from the watchful eye of Brass – to search the woman's body. He began at her face.

A small amount of blood had left a small cut just above the woman's left eye and trickled down her face, stopping near her nose. Nick swabbed the cut carefully for any foreign materials and with a 'snap', replaced the lid and put the swab into an evidence bag. As far as he could see there were no distinguishing marks on her face, so he continued his search down her neck and along the rest of her body. Unable to find anything he considered pertinent to any investigation, Nick slowly lifted the woman's left arm and released a stifled scream.

"What is it?" Catherine and Grissom were next to him immediately.

"No – Nothing…" Nick tried valiantly to keep a calm face but couldn't hold back the terror in him. He ran as quickly as he could away from the crime scene (so as not to contaminate any of the evidence) and began vomiting next to – but luckily not on – Grissom's clean Tahoe.

Both Catherine and Grissom peered into the small hole to discover what had affected their friend so violently. Before long they saw several small black bits sharing the coffin with the deceased. Grissom leaned closer on one knee to find out exactly what they were dealing with.

"Ants." He announced in a hollow voice. "But there aren't any bite marks on the corpse so they must've only gotten into the coffin after it was opened by our guys."

Catherine was only partially listening to the report. She was far more concerned with the condition of her CSI. Fighting every motherly instinct within her, she refrained from going to him and offering her support. Her knowledge of Nick led her to believe that he would be better off with a little time to adjust to these new, and slightly horrifying, circumstances.

When Nick returned to the scene it was with a slightly pale, though highly determined face. He looked around him and at Catherine, giving her a small smile to let her know he was recovered from the wave of nausea that had hit him so suddenly. Catherine noticed that he was keen to keep his distance from the scene or perhaps it was just the ants he was trying to avoid.

"Sorry" he mumbled with a slightly ashamed look on his face.

"Don't be" his boss replied. "Listen, if you need to take off…"

"No I'm fine now" Nick assured her, "I just…I can't handle ants very well since…since…well you know…since they tried to eat me alive."

The small chuckle Nick let out to accompany this valiant effort to make light of the situation did little to assure Catherine that he was in fact ready to come back to active duty. On the contrary, she was more worried about him than she had been after reading the case in the first place.

"So what did you two find?" Nick seemed to be trying to bring everyone's mind back to the case and off of his recent display.

"Nothing big," Grissom answered immediately. He was climbing out of the hole with the dead body and was wearing his usual grim face. But I think I've found something in this box. As he climbed his partner noticed that he brandished a short, dark hair in a pair of tweezers, which was most likely the reason for his climb having been more than slightly awkward.

"Good find." Catherine patted Grissom on the back and took his free hand to help him up.

"Ya, I should have caught that." Nick's face was still displaying his feelings of embarrassment at the spectacle he'd caused earlier as he leaned forward pinching a small paper package in which to put the hair.

"No, it was blending in with the dirt there, I only saw it when I was trying to identify the species of ant. You should take this back to the lab and have it checked for DNA as soon as you can…I mean…well, I guess that's your call" he finished with a significant glance at Catherine.

"Sounds like a plan." She nodded to both of them and hid a snicker from Grissom at the way he was acting. _It's definitely going to take him a bit to get used to this!_ "You can take my vehicle and I'll get a ride with Griss when we're all finished here."

* * *

Nick left the scene with Catherine's keys in one hand. He was trying not to think that the others were acting strangely towards him. He knew his episode had made them nervous, but he'd told them he was ready for this! _Am I though?_ Nick sighed as he headed back towards the lab…was he just being paranoid…it seemed to him that things were not just going to slip back into place. Maybe this was going to take some time to get used to…for everyone.

**Yes the chapter's very short but please review so I know whether to continue with the story!**


	3. Boom!

It was a long drive for Nick, back to the lab. His mind was racing with contradicting thoughts. _Are they sending me away because they don't think I can handle this? No, no you're just being paranoid. You can't start getting paranoid. Have they noticed I'm paranoid?_ Nick was having enough trouble focusing when an all too familiar song came on the radio.

It was Christmas in Las Vegas 

_When the locals take the town – _

With a flash Nick was underground, an eerie green light surrounding him, the walls were closing in on him, and the ants were coming, they were going to eat him alive!

Nick carefully switched off the radio and pulled his car over. He knew he couldn't be driving when he was affected like this. He hung his head in his hands and tried to steady his breathing and, in turn, his racing heart. He refrained from taking a pill to calm himself down. He had them there with him, but it was recommended that the person taking them refrained from driving and he still had a ways to go to get back to the lab.

"You're safe." He told himself calmly. But no, that wasn't right. The walls were far too close; he knew there was supposed to be more room than that in this vehicle. The interior had been reduced to half its size while he'd been thinking. He was going to be crushed!

Nick scrambled to open the door and collapsed onto all fours on the side of the road. Nearby there was a small bush, some sort of desert cactus, and Nick managed to crawl towards it before he began throwing up.

"_Why can't I do this?" _Nick wondered about whether he had made a mistake in coming back to work as his breathing slowly became more regular. He felt he was ready to stand up and made his was back toward the car he'd left on the side of the road with its door ajar. He found a water bottle in the back seat and used it to wash the taste of vomit from his mouth. _Come on Nick pull yourself together._

Nick had never been one to give up. When he'd decided to go back to work everyone he knew, including his doctors, had doubted whether he could handle so much stress again and he had assured them that he would be okay. He would not be made out to be a liar. He just had to stay calm. That was it. _And remember to delete that radio station from my stereo._

* * *

Catherine was still kicking herself at the scene of the crime for allowing Nick to see what he'd just seen. He had looked so shaken when he left; she hoped this wouldn't put Nick back even further in his therapy.

"I never should have let him come," she deliberated aloud. She was so sure that she'd been thinking to herself she was surprised when Grissom answered her.

"Well you did and there's no use kicking yourself for it now. All you can do is help him to get though this, as your supervisor he's looking to you now for support and encouragement."

"Insightful." Catherine was slightly taken aback by this unsolicited display of emotion from her colleague. Grissom usually kept things so guarded, she'd never heard so much advice out of him before tonight. "Have you – uhh – always thought this way?"

"Yes." Grissom responded with his usual smirk, as if daring her to challenge him on the subject. Great now Grissom was deciding to revert back to his usual cryptic self.

"Well either way I think I'm going to follow Nick to the lab and make sure he's doing alright. You're okay finishing up here aren't you?"

Grissom smirked at her once again and gestured around him. The scene was alight thanks to the people crowded around, most of them police officers that had recently finished digging the hole they were currently sharing with the DB.

"I'm sure I'll manage." Grissom joked but he realized what Catherine was doing. She was taking care of her team members; that was her job now. _And not yours._ But now wasn't the time to start feeling sorry for himself. He'd known this day was coming for years and, at least now, he had the support of his friends to rely on. Now it was time for him to focus on the investigation at hand.

Just as Grissom turned around to check the scene again for anything he might have missed something struck him. Catherine was walking away and had almost left the ring of light when Grissom called out for her.

"Hey, Cath, I think I'll come with you!" Grissom turned his back on the victim's body and looked instead towards his supervisor.

"Grissom someone has to stay behind," Catherine called behind her shoulder, without turning around.

"I'm almost done here and I need to check something back in the lab. There's not much else we can do here I think we've found everything we're going to find. They're just getting ready to bring the body in for the autopsy anyways. And besides," he finished, "you gave Nick your car remember?"

Catherine was forced to admit that all of Grissom's points were true and therefore climbed into the passenger's side of Grissom's Tahoe and waited for him to climb out of the hole where the dead body was still laying in its original position.

It only took Grissom a few moments to leave the scene and climb into his SUV. Something was nagging at the back of his mind. There was something off about this crime scene, something he couldn't quite place, but it was there all the same. He had to check something at the lab to be sure. He patted his pocket to make sure his own little piece of evidence was still there. He was still trying to put his finger on what was bothering him as he started the vehicle and pulled away from the scene slowly, so as not to spray dirt and rocks at any of the other parked cars.

Catherine wasn't talking and Grissom was so entranced in his own thoughts that both of them were completely shocked when they heard a resounding BOOOOM, indicating that the small hole where the body once lay, was now a much larger crater containing several bodies.


	4. Chaos

**Special thanks going out to all of the people who took the time to review (especially everybetty and KatKnits00 who've reviewed every chapter so far :-) ). I really appreciate the time you take to let me know what you think of my story. **

The black vehicle containing Grissom and Catherine screeched to a halt as Grissom slammed on the breaks. The sounds emanating from the crime scene less than a mile behind them were no longer those he knew and was comfortable in. They had changed to sounds of terror, people were screaming and yelling about. It was absolute chaos.

"Are you okay?" Grissom looked over at his slightly shaken supervisor in the seat to his right. Her hair was a mess in front of her face and she'd obviously taken a hard jerk when Grissom had halted their momentum so suddenly in response to the explosion from behind.

"I'll be fine." She answered immediately. "What the hell happened?"

Grissom couldn't answer, he had no more idea of what was going on than she did. He turned his Tahoe carefully back towards the crime scene so they could determine what was happening. He knew it was important that they get back to the lab as quickly as possible, not only to check on Nick, but, most importantly, to ascertain whether his initial suspicions had been correct. He also knew that after an explosion with the magnitude of what he'd just felt, people were bound to be hurt, and they needed to help them if they could.

The crime scene behind that had been the picture of order only moments before, was now in complete disarray. People were screaming, nothing was as it had been when the CSI's had left less than five minutes earlier. The scene didn't register immediately for Grissom and Catherine. Both of them were in a state of shock. How could this have happened?

Grissom found Brass pulling an injured cop from amidst the bodies lying in the newly formed crater. He was sweating profusely and bleeding from one arm, but not enough for him to stop working and trying desperately to get his men out of the hell they'd found themselves in.

"What the hell happened?" Grissom had to scream to make himself heard over the noise of the scene around him.

Brass didn't answer immediately. He dragged the man towards the nearest ambulance and, once the paramedics had gathered up his charge, he collapsed on the ground, exhausted by his exertions. For a long time he didn't answer Grissom or even look at him.

"What happened?" Catherine enquired again.

Brass's exhaustion was evident. His voice was dripping with it. "Once you guys gave us the okay the coroner tried to extract the body from the scene so it could be taken to the lab for the autopsy. I was about to leave. We just got a call on the radio about a guy pulled over on the way back into town, possibly drunk, definitely vomiting on the side of the road. I was walking away everything blew up. I didn't realize what was going on until I turned around and I saw…"

Grissom and Catherine didn't need to ask what Brass had seen upon turning his eyes back to the scene. The evidence of the explosion was still strewed all around them. Catherine was reminded forcibly of the scene in the abandoned warehouse that had resulted from Grissom's botched ransom drop with Nick's kidnapper. There was blood everywhere and body parts were strewn across the desert for at least a quarter of a mile. Only one difference set this scene apart from the scene she'd investigated a few weeks before. This time the bodies belonged to innocent people. Their own people.

Brass stood up and began talking to the nearest police officers. Pushing his exhaustion aside, he was back to business, demanding information of the nearest police officer he could find. Within minutes the death count had reached five. Four police officers standing too close and the coroner trying to remove the body had all been killed in the blast. On top of that, flying debris injured 3 people, including Brass.

It had been a long time since Grissom had seen carnage of this nature. He turned to Catherine his mind doing double-time. "Cath, we have to get back to the lab. If I'm right…I need to process some evidence."

As he said it Grissom checked his pocket once again for the small package he'd placed there earlier. He sighed as he realized it was safe. _It's a good thing I got this when I did_ he thought to himself and he was right; with the scene in the state it was now, it would have been impossible for them to find any useful evidence.

Catherine was still in a state of shock, she looked at Grissom and he was stunned to see tears beginning to form in her eyes. "Oh god Gil," She started, holding back the tears. She refused to let them fall. "I told you to stay behind. You would've been…I shouldn't have let them try to remove that body. This is my scene. This is all my fault!"

Grissom did something them that surprised even himself. He drew Catherine into an embrace, stroking her hair and making the most conciliatory noises he could manage under the circumstances. Catherine pushed him away and fixed him with a questioning glare. Never before, in the time she'd known him, had Gil let such a display of emotion escape his guard.

"I'm not your boss anymore remember?" Gil smiled at her to try to assuage her tears, but, though the tears were in no danger of flowing past their lids, the look of terrible burden had not yet left her face. Grissom held onto Catherine's shoulders firmly, looked directly into her eyes and said slowly and carefully, "It's important you listen to me now Catherine. This. Was. Not. Your. Fault."

Catherine wasn't convinced but allowed a look of compliance to slide onto her face. She was at least aware that now was not the time for guilt. Grissom was right; they needed to get back to the lab.

* * *

Nick walked into the lab only slightly green in the face. He schooled his features into a look that resembled his normal expression and walked into the DNA lab. It was empty. Nick left the marked samples he'd taken from the scene in the lab and set himself to the task of determining who had belonged to a shoe print he'd found near the grave.

Nick had been working diligently at his task for nearly twenty minutes when he realized that the shoe print looked too familiar. _Where have I seen this before?_ he wondered to himself. He stared at the photograph of the print for a couple more minutes before it hit him. He glanced slowly at the bottom of his own shoe. Perfect match. Nick had spent nearly half an hour of valuable time analyzing his own shoe print. A print he'd taken of his own shoe! "WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH ME?" he yelled to the empty room.

Nick was sitting alone in the break room, trying desperately not to think about the case he was supposed to be working when Warrick and Greg walked into the room closely followed by Sara. They were congratulating themselves on a job well done and Nick remembered with longing the feeling that accompanied cracking a case after a difficult night's work. He wondered dully whether he'd ever get to experience that feeling again. Or perhaps he'd lost his touch?

Greg stopped halfway through joking with Warrick about one of his disproved theories about their most recently solved case, when he saw Nick sitting at the table, staring out a window but very obviously not seeing anything outside. He hiked a smile onto his face and sat down to attempt to cheer up his friend, closely followed by Warrick and Sara, who had also realized that Nick was in need of cheering up.

"So how's the first case going?" Greg began with a valiant effort at engaging Nick in conversation. Nick offered no response.

"Ya buddy, already feeling that mid-case buzz coming?" Warrick attempted to take up the attempt.

"Huh" Well it was sort of a response anyways. _Maybe he was just deep in thought trying to crack this case_, his fellow CSI's thought.

"Come on Nick," Sara tried, "let us in on what's going on. Now's not the time to get cryptic. How is it working with Grissom as an equal? What's your case on anyways?"

"28 year old female. Reported missing just over 24 hours ago. She was buried alive; we…I mean they didn't find her in time. She was dead before we got there."

The report, delivered in a tone that none of them had ever heard from Nick's mouth, left the three investigator's looking as though they'd been plunged in a lake of ice water. Warrick blinked twice, but could think of nothing to say to comfort his friend.

"Gris and Cath are still at the scene. I came back to analyze some evidence."

Grissom and Catherine chose this moment to storm into the break room looking for assistance. They made a very sore sight. They were both covered in dirt, sweat and blood. Tokens of their efforts to assist the injured people from the scene. Each of them was holding a few fragments of the plastic coffin that had been at the scene, which made Nick wonder slightly,_how did they get those?_ as he leaped up from the table.

"What the hell happened?" Nickyelled out as he rushedtowards his colleagues.

Grissom looked slowly into the face of the man he'd worked with for so long. "Someone's trying to make this personal," he said. "It happened again."

**All right everyone, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I know there was a bit of … development between Grissom and Catherine in this chapter but I wanted to say that I don't intend this to be a love story of any kind and that there's probably not going to be anything deeper in that area. Please, please, keep reviewing and feel free to offer any suggestions! Thanks for reading!**


	5. A note

**Disclaimer: No change in the status of the ownership of CSI.**

"I knew it." Grissom sat alone in what used to be his office, but which now belonged to Catherine. She'd granted him permission to continue storing his books there until he could find some more room at his place. He could still remember the conversation as it had taken place.

He walked into the room looking almost nervous. He had a white box in hand, and he looked around hopelessly wondering where to start. _How on earth did I manage to accumulate this much stuff?_ He was still trying to assess the situation when Catherine entered the room behind him. His Wide Mouth Billy Bass warned him that he was no longer alone in the room.

"Like that's gonna happen." Catherine exclaimed as she took one glance at the box Grissom held in his arms. Grissom looked around again and had to admit that Catherine was completely right. He had accumulated far too much in his time for it to all fit into one white box. Grissom grinned sheepishly at Catherine admitting his own defeat.

She looked back at him and he began to get worried. She looked like she was getting ready to get all emotional on him. He was again surprised by his co-worker's response.

"You can leave the big stuff here if you want." It wasn't any kind of patronization. It was a simple statement. "It'll make me look smarter." She added with a wink.

And that had been that. Grissom had snatched up a few of his most valued items and left without another word. He was glad Catherine hadn't tried to talk to him about his decision or talk it out of him in any way. On the contrary, his entire team seemed to support his decision completely, for which he was very grateful.

Grissom was still thinking of his memory when he felt a small prickling on his left hand indicating that his evidence was free of it's container and he needed to be focusing on the task at hand. He jerked his mind away from the past and back into the book he'd taken from the shelf behind him. With a final look he confirmed once more that his suspicion at the scene had been correct. The ants that were present in the grave at the scene were in fact _Solenopsis invicta_.

Just as he was putting the lid back on the container holding the specimen, Grissom realized that the building seemed unusually quite at the moment. He couldn't hear anything of the hustle and bustle that he knew was occurring just beyond the door. With a pronounced frown on his face Grissom replaced the book to its rightful place on the shelf.

He knew that this was going to start happening again. The doctor had informed him that as the disorder progressed, he was more and more likely to experience the brief spells of deafness that he was used to being subjected to. They weren't likely to last for long, but they would take some getting used to all the same. They served, for Grissom, as rude reminders of what was to come. The fact that something was inevitable was hard for him to deal with. He wasn't pleased with the idea that anything was beyond his control, especially in regards to himself or, to an even greater extent, to his work.

Grissom jerked out of his misery when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He pivoted on the spot to find Catherine standing right behind him. Quickly masking his surprise at her entry, he switched himself into lip-reading mode. There was no need for his supervisor to realize what was going on.

"Grissom I've been knocking on _my_ office door for like 5 minutes. What are you doing in here?" her expression was accusatory, but seemed to Grissom to hold more amusement than anger. Of course at the moment he couldn't judge the tone of her voice, but he chose to believe his intuition when it came to the expression.

"Sorry boss," he responded once he was sure he understood what she'd said. "I was focused that's all."

Catherine gave him a sideways glance but decided not to press the issue. She had a sneaking suspicion of what was going on and, if she was right, she could understand that Grissom would not want to show his hand. Instead of confronting him she merely took a seat at her desk and made sure he was looking at her face before continuing, pronouncing every syllable as clearly as she dared, without tipping her own hand and letting Grissom realize that she knew exactly what was going on.

"Well we got the results back on those pieces of plastic we rushed back here to have analyzed." Catherine continued with what she had originally come to inform Grissom of. "We found trace amounts of – "

"Let me guess," Grissom cut across her, "SEMTEX?"

"I…yes. How'd you know?" Catherine's frustration at being interrupted in the middle of her report was extinguished immediately by Grissom's correct assumption of the material from the scene.

"Because," Grissom continued, "I've got some results back too. The ants from the scene… _Solenopsis invicta_. Fire ants." He explained in response to her blank expression.

"Fire ants?" Catherine was bewildered by this news, "but I thought you said they don't like Nevadan soil."

"They don't."

"Then why were they there at all? The scene was nowhere near any kind of tree nursery." Grissom recognized that Catherine wasn't necessarily asking for his assistance, more likely she was thinking to herself in an attempt to put together the pieces of the puzzle before her. Nevertheless, he was compelled to provide her with the suspicion he'd formed, in its entirety.

"The ants weren't there by coincidence." Grissom continued his somewhat fragmented report. "They were placed there purposely. There was no ant hill nearby, I checked."

Grissom was shocked to see Catherine's expression contorted into one of fury. "Between the ants, the Semtex, and the crime scene in general, there's not other explanation… Someone's screwing with us"

Grissom had of course come to the same conclusion almost immediately upon approaching the crime scene but, being a man of science, he had forced himself to reserve judgment until the evidence could verify his suspicion.

Catherine moved towards the door and gestured Grissom to exit the room before her. Grissom was taken aback, but immensely relieved, when the sounds of lab came rushing back to him. It was always a good thing to have all five of one's senses intact when initiating an investigation.

"Oh," Catherine added turning to face him as they both made their way down the hall, "I've taken Nick off the case too. I think he's going home."

* * *

Nick walked slowly towards his townhouse looking grudgingly at his door as he fumbled for the keys in his pocket. He was angry at being removed from the case, but at the same time he couldn't deny that he was relieved. That case had been much too close to home. He wasn't likely to have been able to remove himself from it and rationally process the evidence. _As proven by the 20-minute investigation of MY footprint_ Nick added irritably.

Nick finally found the correct key in the dark and inserted into the slot in his door. Upon gaining entry to his home he fully intended to stomp into his kitchen, grab something bad for him from the fridge, and slump onto his couch. Perhaps he could take in an old western or something to cool him off.

Just after removing his shoes, Nick made to move through his darkened living room into the kitchen when something caught his eye. There was a small piece of white paper on the floor in front of him. It looked as though someone had slipped it through his door. Wondering what could possibly be the meaning of this, Nick slowly bent down to retrieve the paper. As he got closer he realized there was writing on it, writing that he didn't recognize at all.

Something about the situation tickled Nick the wrong way. Before he moved to read the note he found a pair of gloves in the stand next to his phone. For some reason he found himself thinking that this paper could easily be something extremely important, though he couldn't understand why. His CSI instincts seemed to have kicked into full gear.

Latex gloves on, Nick bent over and retrieved the paper. As he read the words the blood drained from his face. The junk food and western movie were wiped from his mind. He turned on the spot immediately, and, locking his door behind him, headed straight for his SUV. Within a minute he was speeding back towards the lab, paper in hand. He glanced at it whenever he could spare his eyes from the road, though he knew each time the words would be the same.

_Take this with you._

**Okay. I know…how mean am I? A horrible ending I know but it just seemed like the best place to leave this chapter. Unfortunately I'm headed on a camping trip too so it might be a few weeks before the next chapter gets up gulp I will try to update if I can but only if I keep seeing those reviews! (No just kidding). On a more serious note, PLEASE review. Even if it's just a couple words telling me to give it up. I love the feeling of knowing people are reading! Until later …**


	6. The deep breath

As Nick's breathing slowed and his heart rate steadied he began thinking about the situation he was in. He allowed the needle on his speedometer to relax slightly and tried to compose his thoughts. He was still grasping the note in one hand and he glanced at it again. _There's no need to be irrational about this,_ Nick said to himself slowly. He decided to pull over and think about his choices.

The words on the note reverberated again and again in Nick's mind. Take this with you. _Take what with me. How did she…_

"No," Nick said aloud to the empty SUV. "There's absolutely no proof she had anything to do with this. I have to get a grip." Nick decided that there was nothing else for it; he had to take the note to the lab and have it analyzed for prints. He put his SUV back into drive and headed towards the lab.

All the way to the lab Nick was wondering whether Kelly Gordon could have made some kind of parole. He didn't understand how anyone else could have left a note with those specific words. He remembered the meeting he'd had with her vividly.

His face still bore the evidence of his stay underground. The small welts the fire ants had left him with were only slightly visible after intense treatment in the hospital but they still itched horribly.

Her blonde hair was pulled back into a sloppy ponytail. Her dull blue jumpsuit made Nick feel uncomfortable; a constant reminder of what she was going through, and why he'd nearly died in a hole in the ground.

She'd been reluctant to talk. She wasn't interested in what Nick had to say: "Don't take it with you".

It was all he could think to say.

Nick hadn't told anyone that he'd planned to visit the person who was, in some twisted way, responsible for what had happened to him. Only one week after he'd been released from the hospital, two weeks after he'd been dug out of his early grave, he'd driven to the state prison. It was something he told himself he needed to do in order to move on, but he knew he probably shouldn't have tried to face her so soon after the ordeal, which was why he'd decided to go without telling anyone. Now, he realized, he would have to come clean. That made it his fault…if she was bent on some kind of twisted revenge…

With his mind entirely not on the road, Nick managed to safely maneuver his way back to the lab. _Well_ he thought to himself as he opened the driver's side door, _might as well get this over with._

Nick walked much more slowly than the situation merited, towards Catherine's office. He wasn't looking forward to admitting that those deaths were his fault. If he hadn't gone to see Kelly Gordon, none of this would have happened. He knocked on the door and was surprised to find Grissom there as well. He and Catherine seemed to be having a conversation so Nick waited just inside the door. Thankful of any reason to delay the news he was bearing, he waited patiently for them to excuse his intrusion.

"Nick!" Catherine and Grissom were both surprised to see him there but Catherine was the first to pronounce her confusion. "What are you doing here…I sent you home."

"I know," Nick answered. "And I went, but I came back."

"Why?" Grissom this time, always trying to analyze the situation, had picked up on Nick's tone. Something was wrong and even Grissom could detect the concern in his friend's voice.

"Well…" _Come on Nick just do it!_ "Because I found this note on my living room floor. It looked as though someone slipped it through my door or something. I thought it might be important to the case you guys are working."

Grissom and Catherine shared a short glance to communicate their mutual confusion and Grissom reached out to take the note from Nick.

"Take this with you?" The words held absolutely no meaning to Grissom so he looked to Catherine, trying to find out if he'd missed something – as he sometimes did. Catherine's face was just as blank so he looked instead towards Nick whose expression was grave.

Nick was forced to continue. "A couple weeks ago, well two weeks ago, I …I went to the state prison and…well I had to talk to Kelly Gordon."

Catherine was completely blown away by this news. She hadn't any idea that Nick had been to the prison, or that he even knew about Kelly Gordon and, judging by the look on his face, neither had Grissom.

"And?" Catherine prompted Nick, anxious to hear the rest of this story.

"Well I told her…not to take it with her." Nick's glance stayed on the floor. He purposely avoided making eye contact with both Catherine and Grissom. He was therefore unable to gauge their reactions as they processed this information.

Catherine's mind was racing. _What did this mean? How did it affect their case? And, most importantly, how was this affecting her friend?_ She noticed that Nick refused to look her in the face and she almost thought she could detect a hint of guilt on his face. _Great._

"Nick, why didn't you tell someone you went to talk to Kelly Gordon. And for that matter, how did even know about Kelly Gordon?" Grissom, forever tactless, had obviously missed the guilt on his friend's face. His tone was somewhat accusatory, which Nick picked up on right away.

"I know Griss…I'm sorry. To answer your question, I asked my shrink to tell me all about what happened…that night. She told me she didn't think it was such a great idea I got all the details at one time, so soon after the fact so I…I took a quick glance at the case reports. They held an account of Sara and Brass's interview with Kelly. I wanted to meet her. I wanted to see her face."

"Oh god Nick," Catherine's concern for her friend was increasing rapidly. "You shouldn't have had to find out like that."

"Never mind that," Nick's expression suddenly became determined. "We have to figure out how Kelly did this." _What the hell is going on?_ Nick wondered. The further this conversation progressed, the more confused he became. Why did they pity him when he deserved to be reprimanded?

"Well we'll process the note, but I really think you should go back home" Grissom, once again, was having a bit of a hard time adjusting out of his authoritative role. "Sara, Warrick and Greg finished their case so they can help us figure this one out."

"Yah, okay." As taken aback as he was, Nick was feeling more than slightly worn out from the myriad of emotional swings he'd already experienced that evening, so he decided he wouldn't argue to stay. He could always go home, take a short nap, and be back to the lab to help them fix this mess he'd created.

"And have Warrick go with you, just to make sure you didn't miss anything at your house."

"Sure thing boss." Nick said as he left the room closing the door behind him.

As soon as she could be sure Nick was out of hearing range, Catherine rounded on Grissom.

"What the hell was that?"

"What?" Grissom was completely shaken by this unexpected attack.

"He was feeling guilty Grissom. God, can't you read people at all? He was feeling guilty and you attacked him!"

"I…" Grissom tried to negate Catherine's accusations but soon realized that she was one hundred percent correct. "Oops."

"Ya, Oops." Catherine's tone was patronizing, to say the least. "And I suggest you go fix your mistake. Drive Nick home and APOLOGIZE."

Grissom recognized Catherine's suggestion as the same type he used to make when he had been the supervisor of the night shift; the kind of suggestion that was not a suggestion at all, but rather a very explicit, and carefully masked, order.

* * *

Grissom caught up with Nick and Warrick in the parking lot. He fed Warrick a story about Catherine needing him in the lab and that he'd gladly accompany Nick to check out his townhouse. They'd been driving for over fifteen minutes, they were only minutes away from Nick townhouse, and Grissom still had not managed to utter a single word; let alone an apology for the way he'd acted in the lab.

The uncomfortable silence stretched between the two CSI's as Nick drove them through Downtown Vegas, heading for the residential area he called home. Both men were silent. Nick, convinced that he was guilty for what was happening, the deaths of the people that had perished in the explosion, and the woman that had brought them there in the first place, decided that he was better off keeping his mouth shut, his ex-boss was obviously angry with him. Grissom was worried about how to proceed; never being good with people he knew he had to tread carefully to prevent hurting Nick further.

They managed to reach Nick's townhouse before Grissom could figure out how to proceed. _Sure, _he thought to himself _I'll just tell him once we're inside._

Once again Nick fumbled for the right key and let himself in, Grissom following close behind. Nick headed for the kitchen and removed a bottle of water from the fridge.

"Hey Griss, you want anything?"

Grissom didn't answer Nick. He was staring, apparently transfixed, at the door Nick had closed behind them.

"Nick," Grissom called. "Are you sure this door was locked when you got in and found the note?"

"Ya," Nick replied thinking about the last time he'd gained entry, " 'cause I remember how hard it was to find the damn key in the dark!"

"Then we have a problem," Grissom continued. The dark expression in his voice made Nick come back into the living room, gazing enquiringly at him. He didn't have to wait long for Grissom to continue. "How did someone get the note in?"

"I figured they just slipped it…under the door." Even as he said the words Nick realized the folly of his assumption. There wasn't a sliver of room between the door and the carpet when the door was closed. He could plainly see that there was no way anyone could have slipped anything, no matter how small, through that door; it appeared to be tight to the walls all the way around.

"But then…" Nick didn't finish his question. He was already painfully aware of the answer.

"There's only one way someone could have left that note in you house." Grissom answered Nick's unasked question. "If they were already inside."

**Hello readers! I knew I left a harsh cliffhanger on the last chapter so I tried hard to get this one out before I left for my trip and here it is:) Unfortunately the ending on this chapter isn't much better than the last and I leave tomorrow. I hope you'll all forgive me I'll try to update whenever I can! I know this chapter kinda makes Grissom look insensitive and that wasn't what I was looking for; I intend to remedy the situation. Oh and just so you're sure, the words that are centered are flashbacks lol… I couldn't really decide how else to separate them and I don't really like writing "FLASHBACK". It always jerks me out of the storyline when I see it and I wanted to prevent that from happening. **

**Big thanks go out to Mma63, imbreena, everybetty, KatKnits00, and yendy's for the reviews! Also a special thanks goes to Nix707 for, not only does she take the time to review, hers was the first fanfic I ever read and it was fabulous! (got me hooked) As always any suggestions or criticisms are welcome and PLEASE REVIEW I love reading reviews! Thanks for reading!**


	7. The waiting game

**Disclaimer: I still don't own CSI in any way sigh. Also I must give credit for the Chapter titles of the 6th, 7th and 8th chapters: 'The deep breath', 'The waiting game', and 'The plunge'. They actually come from a line in The Lord of The Rings: The Return of the King. When Pippin is with Gandalf in Gondor he says, "it's so quiet," and Gandalf replies, "it's the deep breath before the plunge." That's where I got the idea for the chapter titles and full credit goes out to Peter Jackson, Billy Boyd, and Sir Ian McKellan lol. Also the names of medications used in this chapter were found on the Internet, but they are actual medications used for insomnia and anti-anxiety. Enjoy the chapter!**

Nick looked towards Grissom standing near his front door in the entrance to his living room. He still held a beer in one hand a bottle of water in the other. He uttered two simple words, "why me?"

Grissom looked across the room at his co-worker, his friend. He couldn't remember ever seeing a look on his face that matched the one he saw now. Grissom remembered the words. Nick had used them before, in what seemed like another life; the words were completely different now. Then they had been used as an enquiry above all else. There had been concern, yes, but the root of the question had been based in pure curiosity. Now the words seemed like a plea. Grissom looked across the room and saw something he did not think possible. His friend, Nick Stokes, looked broken.

When Grissom had heard those words before, it had been while he and Nick looked in on the interrogation room, surrounded by the rest of his team – they had still been his team then. Now he stood in Nick's home. There was no one else around.

Then he had had an answer, He had been able to explain clearly to Nick the reasoning behind the crazed man they'd been observing together. Now Grissom had to admit something that he did not like to admit to anyone, something he'd worked hard his entire life to prevent himself from having to say. "Nick," he said solemnly, "I don't know."

Nick raised his eyes to look Grissom in his face. Here stood the man he'd looked up to above all others, the man he'd strived to impress since he'd arrived in Las Vegas, and he was telling him that he did not know. Nick had heard Grissom admit ignorance before but somehow he'd always thought Grissom would have the answer. Grissom always had the answer.

"But I'll find out Nick, I promise." Grissom met Nick's gaze and the two looked at each other. There was a moment between them, only a moment, but the both learned a great deal. The disappointed, broken look on Nick's face taught Grissom that everyone stumbled. His friend was stumbling now and he needed to be the one to help him find his footing. In the same instant Nick saw the look of honest concern on Grissom's face and he learned that he had found, in his role model, something much more. Nick had always had a big family and a good family life, but he found himself looking at Grissom like he would his father. He believed him when he said he would find the answers he so desperately needed. Then, as quickly as the second hand on Nick's living room clock could make another motion, the instant was gone.

At the next glance, the lost and terrified look was wiped clean from Nick's face to be replaced with the Texan smile he had learned to wear once more. Grissom saw the look return to Nick's face and, in response, removed the look of concern from his own. There were things that had to be done now and both of them understood that what had transpired between them needn't be discussed.

Grissom flipped open his phone and turned away from Nick. Nick couldn't see Grissom dial, or hear the conversation taking place, but he thought he could guess whom Grissom was talking to. Sure enough, after a couple of minutes, Grissom turned back to Nick and said, "Brass is on his way." Nick didn't answer, he assumed that he should have at least confirmed that he'd heard Grissom, but he couldn't seem to make the sounds necessary for speech. He only stood and waited. The cold drinks bit into the palm of his hand and the bottles were beginning to sweat, water dripped slowly onto his carpet, but Nick didn't want to move. He knew what was coming; that his life was about to plunge into chaos…again.

* * *

When Brass arrived (accompanied by three officers) his arm was bandaged and hung at his side in a sling placed just inside his jacket. Nick and Grissom were standing silently in front of Nick's door, waiting. Once he saw Brass's bandaged arm, Grissom glanced back at Nick, whose expression portrayed his instant concern, and then stepped forward, toward his friend.

"Jim, I'm sorry." Grissom started. "I completely forgot about – "

"Don't worry about it." Brass raised his uninjured arm to wave off their concern and continued, "I'm sure I've seen worse. Now what's going on here?"

Nick immediately began relaying the story of his finding the note in his living room and taking it to the lab. Grissom continued by telling him of his conclusion concerning how a note could have possibly gained entry.

Even before Grissom had finished talking, Brass had looked at Nick's front door, now closed, and reached a similar conclusion. He drew his side arm and gestured his officers to follow him.

"Any other way in Nicky?" Brass enquired as he approached the door.

"I keep the back door locked," was Nick's response.

Brass soon realized it was impossible for him to open the door and hold his gun thanks to his injured arm so he shot Nick a quick glance and Nick stepped forward to turn the knob. "Thanks," Brass said as he entered Nick's living room, "we'll try not to wreck the place."

"That'd be nice." Nick mumbled under his breath. Grissom heard him and grinned. They both stood on Nick's front step but all they could do was wait.

As Brass passed through Nick's front door he was reminded forcibly of the last time he'd been in Nick's house. Then, he'd crashed through the door to find Nick wrestling a gun from a crazed murderer. For some reason, he'd been much calmer on that occasion than he was now. This time there was no surprising struggle or bullets fired, it was a hunt, a hunt for the person that had caused him so much grief.

He stalked through the house, gun poised. All of his senses were on full alert as he switched on one light switch, then another, as he checked out room after room. He double-checked the rooms he knew the other officers had already been through, and to no avail. There was no one in that town house.

Outside Grissom and Nick continued their wait. Nick refused to allow his face to give him away. His expression was grave, but calm; his mind was racing. He knew he was beginning to panic but he was reluctant to show a sign of weakness to Grissom who had seen so much from him already so he refrained from taking a pill to help himself calm down. Neither of them said a word until Brass emerged, stony-faced.

"Well?"

"Nothing." Nick's face fell at Brass's reply. As horrified as he had been to learn of someone creeping through his house, he'd also been hoping that this night was about to end. He'd let himself expect to see Brass emerge triumphantly, suspect in handcuffs, ready to go to the station. He was disappointed.

"There is no one in that place." Brass continued his report with a gesture towards the front door. "Now I've got my boys taking a look around…Sorry Nicky, but if someone was here I don't think he hung around."

"Yeah," Grissom piped up when Nick remained silent. "I didn't really expect you to find anyone but you know procedure and I … oh no."

Grissom was interrupted by the arrival of a black SUV with its lights flashing. He glanced quickly at the list of outgoing calls on his cell phone. Only one had been placed recently, to Brass's cell, so he was not surprised to see Catherine emerge from the vehicle. When she spoke her tone was casual but her eyes gave away her true feelings. None of the men assembled on Nick's front step had any doubt that she was livid.

"So…gentlemen. I just received a report of a suspected breaking and entering. Imagine my surprise when I found the address of this breaking and entering looked vaguely familiar. Imagine how it increased when Warrick informed me that I was looking at Nick's address! I suppose none of you had access to a telephone!"

Brass quickly mentioned something about paperwork and, after a quick goodbye to Catherine, Grissom and Nick, left the scene. Catherine was slightly amused by the fact that some one like Brass would flee from her – and there was no doubt in her mind that that was what had just happened – but she had far more important things to deal with at the moment.

Grissom looked Catherine straight in the eye. He had no intention of admitting to her the guilt he'd felt when he'd realized he'd completely forgotten to call Catherine at the lab and let her know what was going on. His expression was defiant and he was fully prepared to deny any accusation she could present. _I just followed procedure,_ he repeated to himself, _and you were aware of the situation soon anyways!_ Grissom was still going over his arguments in his head when he and Nick were surprised by Catherine's next words.

"Nick, what the hell is the matter with you?"

Nick, who had also fully expected Catherine to round on Grissom, was completely shocked by this turn of events. He didn't have enough time to begin formulating a response before Catherine continued in a much gentler tone, "well whatever, it really doesn't matter now. Greg and Sara were right behind me…since Brass didn't find anyone we'll have to take a look."

Nick's night took a turn from bad to worse. He was painfully aware of what a CSI considered 'taking a look' and, even though he'd been expecting it since he read the note lying on his floor, he was not looking forward to his friends digging through his house. His mind flashed to the location of several magazines in his bedroom that he would not enjoy sharing with his very inquisitive, and very female, boss.

"I've got the bedroom," Nick said suddenly, in a poor imitation of cheerfulness.

Catherine turned to him. "Nick, you can't investigate your own house. Do you want to go grab a coffee or something, until we're all finished up?"

"Nah," Nick mumbled as he settled himself on his front step. "I'll wait."

They hadn't waited long when Greg and Sara arrived in their own vehicle and Greg jumped out of the driver's seat.

"Geez boss," Greg yelled towards the team standing in front of Nick's door, "and I thought I was wild behind the wheel! How fast were you going back there?"

Catherine didn't answer. She walked towards them silently to retrieve her kit with Grissom following close behind her. Greg and Sara began talking to Nick. It seemed as though they were delaying the moment when they would have to completely abolish their friend's privacy. Once the rest of the team was out of earshot, Grissom pulled Catherine aside.

"What are you doing?" he began, in a tone somewhat more accusatory than he'd intended. "Warrick knows this place better than any of us, and he's closer with Nick…so you leave him at the lab?"

"I didn't leave him at the lab. He's on his way back to the crime scene."

"You saw that place Catherine, there was no evidence left!" Grissom continued, his tone growing harsher than he realized.

"Well you never know."

"And why would you go off on Nick like that? 'What the hell's the matter with you?' and you call me insensitive?"

Catherine had kept herself cool throughout Grissom's onslaught but it seemed this time he'd hit a nerve.

"Listen Gil, I know I do things a little differently than you did but I happen to believe it's working pretty damn well so far so why don't you just back off! You have no right to talk to me like that! We aren't **your** children Gil! Not anymore!"

"I never…what! My children? Catherine what are you talking about?"

She didn't answer. Instead she picked up her kit, shoved a spare kit into Grissom's chest (with a bit more force than necessary), and stormed towards her team, who were still waiting with Nick.

"All right you guys," she began in a commanding tone that held no trace of the anger still coursing through her, "I want this place treated like a double homicide. Nothing gets missed!"

"So we're thinking whoever came in Nick's house is the same person who buried that girl alive…and set that explosion?" Sara, ever inquisitive.

"That's the assumption we're working under at the moment. We need to find some trace of this guy or how he got in."

The team trooped past Nick into his house. Greg was the last in line to enter and, as he passed, Nick pulled him aside.

"You process my bedroom okay?"

"Sure Nick." Greg didn't ask for an explanation, he just turned and followed everyone else through the front door and left Nick on his front step… waiting.

* * *

As swift and intense as Brass's search of Nick's home had been, was how thorough the CSI's search was. Each member started in a different room. Greg bee-lined for Nick's bedroom and began by looking closely at the windows and door. There were few discernable prints on the door handle but, deciding to be safe rather than sorry, Greg dusted and lifted whatever he could find.

The bedroom window had been nailed shut from the inside. Greg thought this strange until he remembered what Nick had previously experienced regarding an intruder. With no evident method of entry, Greg's search expanded as he began looking for a hair, nail clipping, shoeprint, anything that could help to identify the man who'd been in Nick's house. He opened the closet to find a neat collection of Nick's clean clothes hanging. The floor was home to a few pairs of sneakers and one, fairly dusty, pair of dress shoes.

The bed was sloppily made and the carpet was clean. Greg couldn't see any sign that someone had been in the room. He lifted the sheets of the bed to glance underneath and grinned when he saw a short stack of magazines he was intimately familiar with. He suddenly understood why Nick had requested he process his bedroom, he only wish he'd had more success.

Sara decided to investigate the kitchen and hallway. She used a flashlight to peer under stoves, cupboards and the refrigerator, hoping to find something useful. She dusted for prints on every handle and the countertops, but she was beginning to doubt whether anyone had used the stove recently, including Nick. _He must be a fan of the take-out menu,_ Sara decided. The floors were clean. There was no sign in the kitchen or the hallway of anyone's presence but Nick.

Catherine's search had involved the living room, which included of course the front door. She dusted the door for prints but they were so smeared across the steel surface that there was nothing for her to lift. She couldn't find anything either, on the lock or the door's surface. Inside Catherine searched every place she could imagine, crawling on her hands and knees in order to leave no corner unturned. Aside from a few, surprisingly large dust bunnies taking up residence under Nick's couch, Catherine's search turned up nothing.

Grissom thought first of the last time someone had gained entry to Nick's house and headed immediately to the attic access, located in the hallway outside the bedroom. He tried to open the way into the attic to see if someone had been watching from above but found that, like the bedroom window, the door had been neatly nailed shut from the inside.

Upset that one of his theories had not panned out, Grissom turned his search towards the bathroom. He was not surprised when nothing of significance was revealed behind Nick's toilet but he decided, in the interests of science, it was only prudent that he continue the investigation. He looked in the sink, checked the drain and carefully examined the bathtub, but found nothing out of the ordinary. He opened the medicine cabinet above Nick's sink and was surprised when two or three bottles fell out of the cabinet and onto the floor.

Grissom bent down to retrieve the pills. He could see that there was no important evidence in the room and was eager to leave. He had no intention to invade Nick's privacy but as he reached down to retrieve the pills he saw the name on the label, _Alprazolam_. Grissom was a little shocked when he realized that his friend was taking very serious anti-anxiety medication. _Maybe he isn't as over this as he'd like everyone to think, _he considered, but he replaced the pills and decided not to mention anything. He left the bathroom in the condition it had been before he entered.

Once everyone had finished their individual searches, the team assembled in the living room to compare their findings. It was Catherine who remembered that the house's owner was still sitting outside, waiting, and decided to bring him in and let him hear the report.

Nick was glad to be allowed back into his house and slumped onto the couch in front of the television but the screen was black. He was hoping again that perhaps, this time, someone would have found something that would enable him to feel safe in his house again. He was disappointed again.

The evidence in the house was conspicuous only in the fact that there was none. No member of the team had found the slightest indication that anyone but Nick had entered his house recently. There was a flicker of doubt among them that they'd been led on some kind of wild goose chase. Maybe the person hadn't been in the house after all.

The team assured Nick that, no matter what, they'd checked every method of entry into his house and there was no way someone could get inside without walking through the front door, which he assured them he kept locked at all times. The team was stumped.

The sun began to rise in the sky by the time the team had finished their investigation and left Nick alone in his house. He was feeling very nervous. His friends had assured him as best they could that he was safe, but he couldn't forget the note; nor, for that matter, his daylong stay in a Plexiglas coffin. The fact remained that someone had been in his house and they'd left no trace, absolutely no sign of how they'd gotten in. That made it impossible to prevent it from happening again.

Nick tried to go to bed. He lay on his mattress for nearly an hour in the semi-dark of the early morning but he couldn't bear to close his eyes for more than a few minutes. He was exhausted and he knew the light leaking through the closed blinds on his window wasn't keeping him up. The sounds of early morning commuters were roaring outside, but Nick had become so used to these types of noises they usually lulled him to sleep. He knew he needed to get some sleep and so he decided he would take just one pill to help him with his insomnia.

He walked, fully awake yet completely exhausted, into the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet before remembering that he'd left the bottle he was looking for in the vehicle parked outside. Shuddering at the thought he leaving his house, but knowing full well that he refused to be terrified of his own home, Nick grabbed the keys from a table near the door and walked into the early morning light.

Just to be safe, and even though he'd never be more than ten feet from his door, Nick locked the door behind him and walked towards his Tahoe. It only took him a second to get the driver's door unlocked but Nick was getting more and more nervous as he began looking for the small orange bottle. Wondering why he should feel so nervous, Nick stopped for a moment and took three deep breaths. When he'd finished he felt a bit better and was able to calmly reach into his glove compartment and extract what he needed.

Nick glanced down at the bottle full of tiny pills; Rozerem, a mild sedative that would hopefully help ease his insomnia. Feeling calmer now, Nick locked the door once more and headed back towards his house.

After unlocking the front door, Nick set the keys and pills onto the kitchen counter as he reached for a bottle of water from the fridge. He opened it and took a small swig to chase down one of the tiny white pills. Nick knew he could take two or three safely but he felt he'd rather limit his usage. He wanted to be alert, no matter what the investigation had turned up.

Nick was ready for a good day's sleep when he walked into his bedroom. He was about to lie down when he looked at his bed. There, on his pillow, in his perfectly safe and completely impregnable bedroom, sat a small white piece of paper. Nick looked around him quickly but saw nothing; there was no one around and no sign of intrusion.

Admitting to himself that, sedative or no, he would not be getting any sleep today, Nick picked up the note and read it before heading back out into the bright rays of the morning sun. He was ready to climb back into his car and drive to the lab for the third time that day when he remembered foolishly that he'd already taken one of those pills. He was strictly prohibited from operating a vehicle after taking one of those pills, as his doctor had explained very clearly.

Instead, Nick reached for his cell phone (which he'd grabbed on his way out) and dialed his boss. Catherine picked up on the first ring and sounded harassed. Nick was sorry he had to add to her troubles.

"I'm sorry Cath, but I just found another note…No idea…there weren't any…on my pillow." He could tell that Catherine was concerned but these questions were beginning to grate on Nick's nerves, what he really wanted to here was that someone was on her way

"What'd it say? It says: You missed a spot… Okay…see you soon"

Nick hung up his phone and sighed heavily. He changed back out of his pj's and into jeans before heading to the living room…to wait.

**I'm back! Haha I had a blast camping but I missed writing so much. Literally within an hour of walking through my door after getting back from the trip I was on the computer, working on the story.**

**I know I made you wait far too long for this chapter so I tried to make up for it by making this the longest chapter yet. It's almost twice as long as the longest chapter I've posted so far. A huge thanks to everyone who has been reviewing, I just love reading your reviews! I realized recently though that I hadn't enabled anonymous reviews so it's possible I haven't been getting a few of them. If you've been reviewing anonymously I'm so very sorry I haven't acknowledged your reviews but I have enabled them now so please keep reviewing!**


	8. The plunge

**The same disclaimer applies to this chapter as to the previous ones. Once again the flashback is placed in the center of the screen.**

Nick didn't know what to do. Was he frightened? Yes, terrified. But he didn't know where he could go that would be safe. Was there anywhere safe for him anymore? Or would he have to spend the rest of his life in terror, unsure of his own privacy even in his own home? _Screw it_, he thought to himself, and he moved towards the bathroom to retrieve the bottle of _Alprazolam _he knew was behind his mirror Just as he was opening the tiny capsule over his kitchen sink, he saw his face in the mirror and sighed. The doctor had informed him also that it was not safe for him to begin mixing the many prescription medicines he'd been given, except in the dosages specified by a doctor. Nick knew it wouldn't have been safe for him to start mixing medicines and so he refrained from popping a small anti-anxiety pill into his mouth. He turned out of the bathroom and walked back into his living room, not even noticing that the open bottle was still in his hand.

The sedative Nick took prior to finding the second note in his house was starting to hit him in full force, but he was afraid to fall asleep. He sat rigidly on the floor in front of his couch. His knees were jammed awkwardly against his coffee table and his neck was jerked painfully against a supporting beam in his sofa. Nick knew he could very easily have seated himself in a more comfortable way, or simply moved up onto his very comfortable couch, but he was afraid that, if he allowed himself to become too comfortable, the pills would drag him into a torpor that would leave him vulnerable to some kind of intruder.

Nick sat, staring at the knob of his front door. The door was not locked. The key sat in Nick's palm. And Nick's vigilance would not fail him. He would not allow for his home to be violated once again, he knew he could wait there, and stand guard over his privacy, that as long as he watched…

* * *

Warrick drove back from the crime scene as quickly as he could. He was frustrated with the fact that he couldn't be with his friend, helping him through this experience. He didn't understand why Catherine would have chosen him of all people on their team, to go back to the original scene instead of to Nick's house, where he was sure he belonged.

As quickly as he could while obeying the speed limit – and sometimes even while failing to obey it – Warrick headed back to the lab. As a result, when he arrived, the rest of the team was still absent from the building. Warrick assumed correctly that they were still investigating Nick's apartment and decided his efforts would be best put towards processing the new evidence he'd found at the scene.

Warrick reached onto the passenger's seat next to him to examine the small, delicate flower he'd found amid the chaos that remained at the scene of the grave. _No, not amid,_ he was forced to think to himself, _on top of,_ for there was no other way to describe it.

Warrick came across the scene to find it still well lit, even though only apolice tape now separated it from the rest of the desert. There was no one else around. All the statements had already been taken and most of the people who'd been present at the original scene were also being treated for minor injuries.

Warrick walked slowly through the loose dirt surrounding the pit that had once been home to a woman's grave. He was shocked to see for himself the damage done by the explosion. He'd already heard of the strange similarities between this case and Nick's and he found himself remembering the terror he'd felt upon reaching Nick in his plastic coffin. He'd been terrified to find Nick with a gun pressed into his chin but there was more to it than that. Warrick had seen in his friend's eyes, and knew with every inch of his soul, that Nick was about to pull the trigger. The thought of what he would have found, had they been another minute in finding Nick, still kept Warrick awake at night.

Warrick was still thinking about how easily it could have been Nick's body parts strewn across the desert, when he noticed something small and white on the ground in front of him. He got closer and saw that it was a flower. A tiny, delicate flower was sitting in the center of the crater formed in the blast.

Warrick glanced behind him quickly, and peered into the darkness surrounding him outside the boundaries of the police tape. He couldn't see any signs of life other than his own footprints, which followed him from his Tahoe to the spot where he now stood. There were no other footprints in the dirt. It didn't make any sense.

Carefully climbing down towards the center of the crater, Warrick picked up the small flower in his gloved hand. The petals were real; they felt so delicate, like silk that slipped easily between the fingers covered in the latex of his gloves. It was clear that there was no way something as frail as the flower Warrick held in his hand could have survived the blast that had left so much damage in its wake. But then how had it gotten there? There was no evidence to suggest someone had placed it there. Perhaps it had been carried on the wind and was there by complete coincidence? Warrick didn't know how to interpret this newfound clue so, after a quick sweep over the rest of the scene, which was completely void of any tangible evidence, Warrick and his flower headed back to the lab.

Now Warrick sat at a desk next to the flower as he tried to match its appearance to one of the thousands of flowers on the computer's database. Warrick knew that there was probably someone far more qualified for this kind of task, but he also knew that everyone was occupied at the moment and he couldn't wait to find out whether this flower would somehow shine light on the rest of his case. Warrick was by no means an expert on vegetation and so, when the computer had asked for the flower's identifying factors, all been able to enter were the words 'small' and 'white'. As a result he was now faced with thousands of flowers to sort through.

After only five minutes of staring blankly at a seemingly interminable list of flora, Warrick decided that there must be some way to narrow down the search, and so he looked more closely at the flower he'd found. He noticed first that the petals were beginning to welt, it didn't look as though the flower was going to survive. As he was looking closely at the flower's petals, upset that his new piece of evidence was dying before his eyes, it suddenly hit him. There were seven petals on the flower. He entered this new information into the computer and the list of plants was cut-down considerably. After a short search of the remaining possibilities, Warrick discovered the identity of his mystery blossom.

* * *

Grissom's head was still reeling on his way back to the lab. He sat in the back seat behind Greg and Sara. Logic dictated that he ride with Catherine, where he would have been able to ride in the front seat, but he wasn't sure he wanted to be alone with Catherine, not until he figured out what she'd meant at least.

Though he'd managed to completely push the issue out of his mind while searching Nick's house, Grissom was now completely confused by what had taken place between he and Catherine before the search began. His ability to ignore his own thoughts completely was something that, unfortunately, only applied when he was processing a crime scene. Now the memory was eating away at him. He couldn't understand what her words had meant. _They're not your children_, Grissom thought to himself, going over Catherine's words once again in his mind.

He remembered distinctly that she'd put an emphasis on the 'your' but nothing about the statement made sense. Who weren't his children? Grissom assumed from what had transpired immediately before the crazed statement that she was referring to the rest of his team – no, her team. But since when were his team members his children? They were his friends, maybe, but children? That didn't make any sense. Grissom also remembered how angry Catherine had been when she'd said these things and decided the words weren't meant to make any sense. Perhaps they were a blind attempt at throwing Grissom off…if that was the case it had certainly been successful, Grissom remembered being so confused by the statement that he'd let Catherine stalk away without another word. _Yes,_ Grissom decided, _that must be it._ And pegging it off as a case of errant female hormones, Grissom was able to forget about the encounter for a little while.

He thought instead of what he'd learned about Nick. He'd seen him at his most vulnerable, he'd seen his friend panicking and sobbing while confined in his own coffin, but he'd never seen anything like what he'd seen while he and Nick stood in his living room. Then, later, Grissom had stumbled across some serious prescriptions in Nick's bathroom. If Nick was taking all the medicine Grissom had seen, he must not have been ready to return to work. An investigator popping sedatives was not a good thing. Grissom found himself thinking _I never should have let him come back_.

Suddenly his mind pulled up Catherine's words once more. It seemed that the memory refused to stay buried where Grissom wanted it. Forced to examine it once again, Grissom began to fear that perhaps the words hadn't been a random attack of female hormones. Perhaps there was some truth to them. Did Grissom consider his team his family? He was forcibly reminded of all the circumstances he'd found himself in that required him to take a fatherly role to his team members; when he'd taken a special interest in the nervous rookie Holly Gribbs, when he's helped Warrick stay away from gambling, when he'd forced Sara to confide in him the horrors of her past, and when he'd used Nick's nickname, used only by his father, to calm him down while he was buried alive.

_Oh god…I do! I see them as my children._ Grissom was shocked by this realization of the truth in Catherine's words. As shocked as he was to discover that he considered himself the paternal leader of their group, it wasn't long before he discovered too that the others felt the same way. Not only had he begun looking after him as though they were his own, the other members of Grissom's team had begun to look at him as a father figure.

Grissom was horrified by the weight this realization put on him. As obvious as it had been to Catherine, he'd had absolutely no idea, even of his own feelings. Now, with the knowledge of the bond that he'd inadvertently formed with his 'children' Grissom felt an overpowering guilt and responsibility. Now he was faced with the daunting task of breaking all of those ties in the next few weeks. _If only I'd found out sooner._

Grissom began to think in his heart, that he must mend what was wrong with his team before he was forced to leave it due to his lack of hearing. He'd been informed that the symptoms would become permanent within the next couple weeks and he had his own suspicions that that had been a generous estimate. But how was someone dense enough to elude even his own feelings supposed to correct the feelings of others in only a few weeks? Grissom did not know. He only knew that he refused to abandon the family he had unintentionally formed, they deserved better than that.

While lost in his thoughts, Grissom had been driven all the way back to the lab. Sara and Greg had not disturbed him for the entire journey, Greg remaining unusually quiet. They both assumed that Grissom had a lot on his mind, which was true, but not for the reasons they suspected. In truth, they both had enough on their own minds that the silence wasn't noticed much by anyone. It was only after they'd arrived and Grissom still gave no sign of exiting the vehicle that Sara cleared her throat loudly and called, "You coming Gris?" in order to snap him out of his daze. Grissom snapped back into reality quickly and, noticing that Catherine had arrived ahead of them and was already inside, he followed Sara and Greg into the building.

It didn't take long for Sara, Greg, and Grissom to locate the rest of their team. Catherine was sitting next to Warrick, who was seated in front of a computer with a picture of a flower on the screen. Grissom assumed Catherine had immediately informed Warrick of their progress – or rather, lack thereof – at Nick's house and was assured of it when Warrick turned to them and questioned, "nothing?" All three of the newcomers shook their heads in the negative and positioned themselves around the desk where Warrick was seated. It seemed it was time for a group update. Catherine started the informal meeting by turning to Warrick and asking, "did you find anything?"

Warrick grinned in an expression that didn't seem to fit the situation and gestured towards the flower sitting on the desk next to his mouse. "I sure did." He added for good measure. "Found this thing at the sight of the explosion, right in the middle of things too. Don't know how it could've gotten there. Do any of you know what this is?"

Warrick, having had no idea of what kind of flower he'd been holding when he'd first seen it, fully expected the blank looks and shaking heads he received from three of the four people gathered around him, but was crestfallen when Grissom opened his mouth to speak.

"Starflower." Grissom said bluntly. "Grows in deciduous forests."

The entire group turned to gape at Grissom with their jaws dropped.

"How the hell did you know that!" Warrick's indignation was evident. "Now you're some kind of plant expert too?"

Grissom grinned, but decided not to continue his charade. "No," he said simply, "but I did see the screen of the computer as I walked in. The page of details about the flower was still on the monitor."

The group issued some very subdued laughter before Warrick continued on with his report. "Well according to this database, these flowers are found in deciduous forests as Grissom already pointed out and die if in extreme heat. See how this one's already welting?"

"Which only stands to reason," Sara continued for him, "that the flower doesn't grow anywhere near here, at least not in the wild. Someone must have put it there."

"Nope. There were no prints approaching or leaving the scene when I got there."

"Well they could have been shifted by the wind." Greg offered, though even he knew that it was unlikely.

"Either way," Catherine reasoned, "we need more to go on. Warrick do we know the identity of the hair Grissom found at the scene yet?"

"Yes," Warrick answered, "and according to CODIS, the DNA matches that of a Miss Kelly Gordan."

All the heads at the table jerked at this unexpected news. The same thoughts were racing through everyone's mind. _Kelly Gordan? How did she get out of prison to bury someone alive?_

"I know what you're thinking," Warrick broke in on everyone's thoughts, "but as soon as I got back I found out Kelly Gordan is still in prison, she hasn't left."

Now things were getting far too confusing. The whole situation reeked of planted evidence. Catherine and Grissom were having the same thought and, glancing at each other, they agreed.

"It's time for us to talk to Kelly Gordan."

* * *

Despite Brass's injury, he'd insisted on being present during the interrogation of Kelly Gordan so he, Catherine and Sara found themselves looking across the table at the skinny, blonde convict. None of them spared any time for pity. They all realized that, in an unintentional way, the girl before them was responsible for what their friend had been through. Unfortunately for everyone gathered there, Kelly was proving just as uncooperative during this interview as she had the first time they'd gone to her looking for answers.

"For the last time," Kelly spat, "I have no idea what you're talking about. I haven't seen or heard of this Nick guy since he came to see me in prison."

"And you weren't too pleased with that conversation were you?" Catherine shot back with just as much force, "Didn't make you too happy to be told what to do by someone who'd had a hand in your dear dad's death did it?" Catherine was grasping at straws and she knew it, but if they couldn't get this girl to admit to something, they'd be back at square one on their investigation. They needed something to track down whoever was doing this to Nick.

"Who'd you hire?" Brass spoke softly, his words gave no hint of the loathing he held for the creature that sat before him.

"I don't know what you're talking about." She insisted. "I haven't had a visitor since Nick…and I didn't exactly get very many before that either."

Catherine's frustration was increasing as she sat across from this girl. In any other situation she would have felt sorry for her. It was clear that her imprisonment had hardened this girl; she probably hadn't always been as she was now. But, where her friends and family were concerned, there was no room for interpretation as far as Catherine was concerned. She would never forgive this girl if she were the cause of more pain to her friend.

As Brass continued badgering the girl for information that she refused to surrender, a vibration in her pocket suddenly startled Catherine out of her reverie. She was about to turn the phone off so that she didn't miss any part of the interrogation when she noticed that it was Nick's cell number on her caller ID. Instead, with only a slight frustration at their lack of progress, she excused herself from the room and answered the call.

Nick's voice on the other end of the line sounded frazzled. He was panicking about something and it didn't take long for him to get straight to the point. He'd found another note in his house.

"Hello…did you see who left it, or how? … What about a sign of entry? … Where was the note? …" Nick was clearly not taking this second invasion well, he sounded frightened and Catherine couldn't blame him. The conversation did not last long. "What was on it Nick? … I'm on my way …Bye Nick."

Catherine flipped her phone shut and left the building once more to head for Nick's house. On the way she informed Warrick and Grissom what was going on and they insisted in accompanying her. Greg was still trying to process the photos found at the scene and Sara was still sitting in on the interrogation with Brass. Catherine didn't see a need to disturb either of them. She recalled what Nick had told her about the message written on the note. You missed a spot. It was clear now that whoever was planting these notes was not just trying to mess with Nick, but with the entire CSI nightshift. Catherine's resolve hardened, she refused to let someone hurt her team.

* * *

The drive back to Nick's house was uneventful. Catherine drove quickly, all the while telling herself not to panic. So far there was no evidence to suggest that whoever was dong this had any intention on hurting anyone. _We have no idea what his intention is, _Catherine admitted grudgingly.

When they arrived once again at Nick's front door Grissom and Warrick opened theback to retrieve their kits and Catherine walked towards the house. She knocked on Nick's door and was surprised when there was no response. She'd spoken to Nick less than twenty minutes ago and he'd known she was on her way…why wasn't he answering now?

In her concern, without even realizing what she was doing, Catherine turned the doorknob in front of her. She let out a small gasp of surprise when the door opened in front of her. Things were definitely getting weird; Nick should have locked his door.

Worried for her friend, Catherine walked slowly through the door into his living room, calling out his name. What she saw upon entering was enough to root her to her spot in the doorway. This time around her surprise was not expressed in a small gasp, but in a very piercing scream. Grissom and Warrick were soon behind her and the same dismal sight met their eyes.

On the floor in front of his couch Nick was lying unconscious on the floor. Next to his unconscious form lay a small, orange bottle, several of the small white pills it had previously held were strewn slightly across his dull, gray carpet.

**Ohh and another nasty cliffhanger I know but I think I've gotten better about the speed of my updates so I'll really try not to leave you hanging for too long. I know this chapter wasn't quite as long as the last one but it was considerably longer than the first few. If you're enjoying the story (and if you're not for some reason too) please PLEASE review. I love reading them, even if they're only a couple of word long! (No pressure to write a 600-word review lol). Thanks so much to everyone who's reviewed so far:**

**KatKnits00: Haha, thanks for the review but somehow I think if I were to reveal that information, it may take something away from the suspense of the story. **

**New creation: I'm so glad to hear you're enjoying it…I swear there is more to come (thought how much more I'm not really sure)**

**Everybetty: I'm glad you liked the line I used and I kinda hope that this chapter sheds a bit of light on why Nick refuses to flee…He's trying to keep himself from appearing weak mostly. Also, biting the nails is a truly bad habit (I hope my story isn't contributing it lol) I'll have to update as quickly as I can to save your nails. **

**Mma63: I had a great time on my trip, thanks so much for asking. I'm glad you like the story.**

**Rojaji: I know the longer the chapter the more you can get out of it and therefore the more enjoyable it can be but somehow I still didn't manage to get this chapter longer than the last one. I'm a firm believer in preventing the use of words just for the sake of a word count so I do try to prevent verbal diarrhea (as my dad likes to call it lol gross I know). Keep reading!**

**TPTB (anon.): Thank you so very much for the compliment! (Feels so nice). Enjoy this chapter and I'm glad you like my story enough to review. Thanks again. **


	9. The only option

**Disclaimer still applies**

Grissom was extremely worried. How was he supposed to break off the ties he'd formed with the rest of his team without completely eliminating them from his life? He thought about the predicament he found himself in on the way to Nick's house. Sitting in the front seat of Catherine's Tahoe he didn't even realize how unusually quiet the ride was. If he hadn't had so much on his mind he would have realized that both Catherine and Warrick's lips were moving, though no sounds seemed to be issuing from their mouths.

Grissom decided very quickly that it would be much easier to estrange his 'family' if he were less concerned with his feelings. Still getting used to the new realization that he cared more for the feelings of his coworkers than for his own, Grissom had to think hard about what would hurt them the least. He was forced to the conclusion that he was in fact being exceptionally selfish; it wasn't his family's feelings he was trying to spare, it was his own. He was the one that wanted to leave CSI with his family intact, but he'd already decided that he would have to break those bonds and misconceptions before he left, to spare their feelings once he was gone. If he were truly not thinking of himself before the others, he would have to break the bonds in the quickest way possible. It made no difference for the rest of team how he did it, either way he was going to be gone in a couple weeks, at least this way he would get to break the attachment face-to-face.

Finally resolved to a course of action, Grissom pulled out of his musing as the Catherine pulled the vehicle to a stop outside Nick's front door. Grissom had certainly seen a lot of that front door tonight. He and Warrick moved towards the back to open the hatch and retrieve their kits. It was then that Grissom realized that he wasn't hearing properly. When he slammed his door shut, there was no slam. He looked over the roof at Warrick and could see him yelling something, but Grissom couldn't hear the words. _Calm down_ he told himself to fight against the panic that threatened to overtake him _you know how to handle this._ Instantly, Grissom switched into lip-read mode and focused hard on Warrick's lips. After a couple of seconds of this scrutiny he made out the formation of the words, "What, do I have something on my face?" Grissom quickly answered in the negative and moved to lift his kit out of the back, Warrick right beside him.

Kit in hand, Grissom started walking towards Nick's house. He was worried about his hearing. This made two deaf spells in as many days; less if you were counting hours and not passes of midnight. How generous had the doctor's estimate been? Could he go completely deaf at any moment? Grissom shuddered at the thought but it did provide him with more resolve for the task ahead of him. With no idea which shift may be his last, there was no time for procrastination.

Suddenly Catherine's scream broke Grissom's silence. He and Warrick rushed to her side and were horrified by the sight that greeted them. There on the carpet in front of his couch lay Nick, unconscious, and as Warrick thought, appeared near death. All three ran towards Nick but it was Catherine who reached him first. She knelt down next to him and, from this vantage point; she was instantly relieved by the reassurance that Nick was in fact alive. It appeared that their friend was merely asleep. Catherine could hear Nick mumbling in his sleep and it was soon also obvious to her that he was having a nightmare. His words were incoherent but she did manage to catch a couple of fragments of what Nick was saying while he slept. "No … Don't… … Don't Leave."

With more than a vague suspicion of what Nick was experiencing in his dream world, Catherine quickly began nudging Nick to wake him up, gently at first then with more force, until he jerked awake to see Warrick and Grissom standing over him and Catherine kneeling at his side. His surprise showed clearly on his face.

"I fell asleep." Nick stated. It was not intended as a question but there was a certain amount of disbelief in his voice. He couldn't believe he'd let his guard down after everything that'd happened to him that night.

Grissom, convinced that Nick was okay, bent down to examine the pills that had scattered a fair distance across Nick's living room floor. He saw that the prescription was in fact _Alprazolam._ "How many of these did you take?" He questioned Nick, who was now standing and watching the three CSI's who'd come back to his house.

"None." Nick answered, "really!" he continued after seeing the look of surprised disbelief on the faces of everyone there. "Okay, listen, when you guys left I couldn't fall asleep so I took one sedative to help me snooze. The pills were out in my car and when I came back into my house I found the note on my pillow. Well then I wasn't sleeping so I thought about taking one of those," Nick gestured towards the pill in Grissom's hand, "to help me calm down but I remembered that I'd already taken the sedative so I didn't. I didn't even realize I was still holding them…I can't believe I fell asleep."

Grissom had accepted Nick's explanation while he was still half way through it and was now more concerned with finding out how these notes were gaining entry to his house. He started looking around, but he was already fairly certain they hadn't missed anything on the first sweep.

"How long were you outside Nick," Catherine, already to the assumption that they weren't likely to find anything in the house, decided to question Nick instead.

"I don't know for sure," Nick answered. "No more than five minutes."

"Is that enough time for someone to have gotten into your house, left the note, and gotten back out?"

"I…I guess so. But I don't know how they could've. I even locked the door behind me."

"There could be some other way to get. Besides the front door I mean." Warrick was trying to solve the puzzle like the rest of the team, but of course he hadn't been present during the first investigation.

"There isn't, we tore this place apart and found nothing."

The conversation wasn't making Nick feel any better and, having had less than twenty minutes sleep in the past day, the sedative was taking a very noticeable effect. He tried to stifle a yawn, but was not very successful. Catherine saw it and immediately took action.

"Nick, why don't you go over to Warrick's place and get some sleep," she suggested with a glance at Warrick who was already nodding in agreement.

"Yeah," Nick decided, sounding only slightly defeated, "I could use some sleep."

Warrick volunteered to drive Nick to his place and return to the lab once he was asleep. Catherine agreed. It was clear that there was little to be done at Nick's house and she couldn't see any point in having three CSI's wasting their time. Warrick would be more use at the lab and in all likelihood; she and Grissom would probably beat him there.

With Nick and Warrick gone, Catherine headed towards Nick's bedroom to retrieve the note from his pillow. She held it in her gloved hands and stared at it. She dully wondered whether the person leaving them had some kind of supernatural powers. She chuckled slightly at the thought of passing that theory past Grissom. She could imagine the scientist's expression when she explained that perhaps superman had perhaps found some motive to bother them, but even before she'd had the thought she stopped believing that it could even be possible. So, with a sigh, she walked out of Nick's house and back into her black SUV, where Grissom was already waiting in the passenger's seat.

As she started the car Catherine heard a sigh from Grissom's side of the vehicle. She decided she'd better try to start up a conversation.

"So," she tried, "you were awfully quiet on the way down here."

"Ya," Grissom grunted. He had no desire to discuss the reasoning behind his silence. It was time for him to try to put his decision into action; he had to start breaking the bonds.

"Do you have any theories about who this creep is?"

"No Cath, I don't know any better than you do." _This is it_ Grissom thought to himself before continuing. "I don't think I'll be able to bail you out this time."

What he'd said didn't immediately register to Catherine. Here sitting beside her was her best friend, there was no way he would say something as hurtful and not to mention false, as what he'd just uttered. "What did you say?" She asked, just to be sure.

"I said it looks like you're on you own this time around boss."

"Grissom, what are you talking about? We're a team!" Catherine just couldn't understand where this was coming from. Was this some kind of retaliation for when she'd lost her temper the last time they'd spoken?

Grissom didn't seem interested in what Catherine had to say. He was looking out his window and appeared to be ignoring her completely. Catherine was still blown away but she wasn't willing to drop the subject.

"Look, Grissom, I'm sorry for the way I acted before…at Nick's house. I was out of line. I'm sorry if I, I don't know…hurt you, in any way." Catherine took her eyes from the road whenever it was safe and turned her head to try to look at Grissom. She thought if she could let him know that she was sincere, he might be able to lighten up a little. She was wrong. Grissom turned his head to look her in the eye and said the most un-Grissom words Catherine had ever heard out of his mouth.

"Don't flatter yourself."

Catherine's pity was quickly turning to anger. How dare he address her like that? She was his boss now after all, that position demanded some respect! Sick of trying to understand what went on in his head, Catherine let Grissom be and the remainder of their journey passed in silence. When they arrived at the lab, Catherine stormed out of the vehicle and into the building without a glance at Grissom.

Grissom sighed and slowly exited the vehicle after Catherine. What he'd just done had hurt a lot more than he thought it would. He knew that he was going to be having a very hard time over the next little while but it was, well if not the best way, the quickest way to stop his teammates from looking up to him. He had no choice, if he wanted to keep from hurting them more than he had to; Grissom was going to have to become a complete ass. _Well,_ he thought dully as he entered the lab _I suppose I'll just be supporting the status for some people._

* * *

By the time Warrick returned from his house after making sure Nick was comfortable and near sleep the rest of team was assembled around a large table comparing their progress. He walked into the room and took a seat at the table. Greg was giving his report on the analysis of the first note.

"Okay," he started, "I dusted the thing, no prints so our suspect is wearing gloves. Also it was printed out but there was no distinguishing marks on the paper that might help us determine what printer it came out of. All and all, big waste of time on the note front."

Everyone assembled could see that Greg was trying to joke around and lighten the mood a little, but he wasn't even bringing a grin to his own face. The fact that the note had given them nothing was a blow to each of them. It had been the first real piece of evidence they'd found that might have gotten them closer to a killer and now they had nothing. Catherine could see the looks on the faces of her team that told her they were beginning to give up on the case. She knew she couldn't let that happen.

"So the note's a bust; we're going to get this guy, we just have to think. What do we have? First we have the ants and the SEMTEX found at the original crime scene leading us to believe it was staged to be similar to Nick's, plus a hair belonging to Kelly Gordon. Then we have the note Nick found on his floor saying 'take this with you', Warrick found the flower at the scene after the second look and now we have a second note. So, what does this tell us?"

Sara began analyzing what they had. "Well, the notes support the theory that someone is doing all this just to get to us. And that someone had to at least have had contact with Kelly Gordon or he wouldn't have known what to put on the first note. The message on the second note tells us this person is watching us, or at least wants us to think so."

"And the flower?" Warrick enquired.

"No idea." Sara admitted.

"It seems clear by now that the signs we have are all pointing to Kelly Gordon." Catherine decided, "does Brass still have her in custody?"

It turned out that Kelly Gordon had been released back to prison. Catherine was forced to admit that, given her level of compliance, it would be almost useless to drag her back in for questioning and so instead she assigned Greg and Grissom to look over the prison's files and determine whether there was anything there that could be helpful. The entire team was surprised by the decision; it wasn't like Catherine to assign Grissom a job as tedious as this. But, of course, none of them had any knowledge of what had transpired between them on their way to the lab. Catherine was so angry with Grissom she wasn't sure she wanted him on her team any longer.

Greg and Grissom started gathering all the files they could on Kelly Gordon while the rest of team headed to the break room for a much-deserved break. It was Greg who decided to break the silence between them in the small room where they were sitting sorting through folders of reports.

"So you got stuck here with me hey? That's kind of weird isn't it?"

Grissom looked slowly at his friend. He knew that Greg looked up to him and what he was getting ready to do was killing him but Greg had presented him with an opening and he knew he should probably take it.

"Yeah well," he said with a sigh, "everyone gets stuck with you once in a while, I couldn't run forever."

Needless to say Greg was fairly surprised by the words. He looked up to Grissom's face to search for some clue that he was being sarcastic but found nothing. _This just doesn't add up_, he thought but Grissom wasn't done yet.

"I mean, is it just me or do I always end up babysitting the rookies…you'd think Catherine wouldn't want to waste my talents looking over your shoulder for your inevitable screw ups!"

Greg was past disbelief now. There was something seriously wrong. Was Grissom sick? Had something happened to him in the past day that would result in a complete personality switch? There was nothing he could say so he just dropped his head and continued reading the visitor report for the prison over the past few weeks. He was highlighting the visitors of Kelly Gordon, of which there weren't many, when he began noticing the recurrence of one name in particular. He was about to lift his head and tell Grissom what he'd found, but was surprised to find that Grissom had left his seat across from him. He saw him heading down the hallway towards the break room and followed close behind him.

"Jonah Mikler." Grissom said as he dropped the folder he was holding onto the break room table. Greg was horrified to find that Grissom was telling the team all about the name HE'D just found. But there was no way for him to try to set the score straight with everyone listening to Grissom's report. Greg was forced to drop the issue entirely and he listened to the rest of what Grissom had to say.

"Over the past three weeks Kelly had only 5 visitors, 4 of them were from this guy. He never saw her before a month ago and suddenly they're spending upwards of an hour together. I think we may want to talk to this guy." Warrick and Sara smiled at Grissom but Catherine's face displayed neither joy nor relief at the news. Grissom turned back towards Greg and with a wicked grin (which of course appeared merely friendly to every one else present) said, "Why don't you look this guy up Greggo?" and added in a whisper that no one else could hear, "you know, make yourself useful!"

With that Grissom walked into the break room to join the rest of the team as Greg stared blankly at him before turning and walking quickly away from the man he had once looked up to.

**Hi everyone, I am so very sorry it took so long to get this chapter out but I feel like I'm kind of treading into dangerous territory here and I don't want to screw this up. Please review and let me know how it's going! Thanks so much to everyone who's taken the time to review already! I'll try to update as quickly as I can.**


	10. Too little too late

**Disclaimer: As much as I'd like to, I do not own CSI or anything related to it. Just for some outside information, The Las Vegas Reentry Program mentioned in this chapter is actually a project. The Nevada Division of Parole and Probation and Nevada Business Services launched it in March of 2000. I received this information from the Internet. Enjoy!**

Nick awoke with a start to find himself staring at a ceiling that was not his own. His breathing became quicker as he looked from side to side and realized that he was not in his own home. Where had he been taken? The note, yes he remembered the note…and falling asleep.

Nick was able to relax as the events of the previous day came rushing back to him. He remembered clearly now finding the second note, the arrival of the other CSI's, and being taken to Warrick's house in order to get some uninterrupted sleep. Even though he remembered taking the sedative earlier, Nick was surprised to find that he'd been asleep so long. Dusk had set and the lights of Vegas were shinning brightly preventing any stars from making an appearance in the inky, black sky above.

Once he'd realized where he was and why, Nick began to wonder how it was possible that he'd been allowed to sleep this long. He was after all in Warrick's bed. If he'd been sleeping all day, where was Warrick? And for that matter, how could Nick – who'd become a very light sleeper – have slept through Warrick's coming home? These issues were tugging at Nick's mind as he stood up from the bed, fully clothed and headed into the bathroom.

Shortly after leaving the bathroom and entering the kitchen, Nick began to realize that Warrick was not with him in the house. Either he'd come and gone already or he hadn't come home at all. Both situations made Nick wary. He didn't like thinking that it was possible for someone to have come and gone while he slept, completely oblivious to the situation. The idea made him worry about what else could happen without his noticing.

Nick was about to open the refrigerator and grab himself something cold to drink when he caught himself. Even if Warrick was his best friend, something in his upbringing told him that taking food from someone else's fridge while they weren't even there was the wrong thing to do. Sighing, Nick went into Warrick's living room and sat on his couch. He was just beginning to wonder what he could possibly do with his time and wondering whether Warrick had left him any mode of transportation, when he noticed something on the counter that made his blood run cold. There next to the phone was a small, white piece of paper. Another note.

Nick's pulse quickened as he stood up and crossed the room without a thought. He bent down to look at the paper that had filled him with so much dread, and was forced to laugh out loud at himself and the empty room. Immediately after inspecting the note Nick recognized Warrick's printing and all of the tension he'd felt just moments before evaporated into thin air.

_Nicky, _

_Hey man you must have been tired, you passed out on my bed!_

_I'm going back to the office (in the one and only vehicle) so it looks like you're stuck at my place until I decide to come home – might be a while. Gimme a call on my cell and I can update you on what's going on. _

_- Warrick_

_Ps. Help yourself to anything in the fridge if you get hungry. _

Nick laughed at himself again but he was also deeply concerned about what had happened. When he saw Warrick's note on the counter, he'd switched immediately into full panic mode. Was that all it took to set him off now? A piece of paper? And how was he ever going to get back into the field if he was flipping out so easily. There were a lot of things he was going to have to resolve, and soon.

Nick forced all of these new concerns to the back of his mind. He decided he would grab something to eat, and give Warrick a call as soon as he could. Who knows, maybe the case was already solved and the suspect was already behind bars. Despite the fact that Nick knew this was unlikely, especially if Warrick seemed to have pulled a double shift, he managed to make his way into the kitchen anyways.

* * *

Still reeling from the way Grissom had decided to treat him, Greg had found it hard to concentrate on his work. From the computer where he was sitting he could hear that there was a conversation taking place in the break room and he desperately wanted to be a part of it. As the newbie to the CSI scene, he felt that it was his responsibility to keep updated on what was being discussed and it bothered him that he was being kept out of the loop. By Grissom of all people! _Am I really such a substandard CSI that Grissom doesn't think me capable of doing this job?_ Needless to say, with thoughts like these chasing themselves through Greg's skull, it was taking a while to get anything accomplished.

Finally Greg was able to hit something that should be useful. It appeared the man he was searching for, Jonah Mikler, had been previously arrested once before for drunk and disorderly conduct in a public place. The arrest had been made over ten years ago, and Greg knew it was weak, but still, it was better than nothing. He was also able to find his address and, armed with this new information, he left the desk where he'd been sitting for far too long and headed toward the break room where the rest of the team was assembled.

He entered to room to find Grissom, Sara, Warrick and Catherine sitting around the table in the center of the room. Little was being said, they had already been over everything they had in the means of evidence several times and now they had nothing to do but wait for Greg's findings. From where he stood Greg looked down at Grissom and was filled with an emotion he'd never before associated with his role model. Dread. Here he stood, findings in hand, and he was afraid to give them to the man he'd always looked up to. Fortunately it wasn't long after he entered that Warrick noticed his presence and goaded him onto speech.

"Hey, Greggo…find anything good?"

"Yeah, you were gone for quite a while." The words uttered so simply from Grissom's mouth and received so innocently by the ears of everyone else present, cut Greg deeply. He went against ever outgoing trait within him and simply handed the folder with his findings to Catherine before taking a seat at the opposite end of the table. She opened it and read the results.

"Hmmm," she said aloud to everyone gathered around her, "Well he's got an arrest here…but it's flimsy I doubt it means anything."

Warrick glanced over her shoulder. "Yeah, who doesn't have a drunk and disorderly these days?" he joked.

"I don't." Grissom decided to point out, of course forgetting that Warrick was not serious.

"Well either way," Catherine interjected, "We should check this out. Warrick, Grissom, go talk to this guy. Hopefully he'll be co-operative about this." And with that, Grissom and Warrick left the room and headed out the building's front doors. Grissom walked purposely towards Warrick's car; he was in no mood to drive.

* * *

Grissom spent the journey to the suspect's house contemplating what he'd done in the past day. If he was still a religious man, his actions in the past 24 hours would have been fairly damning evidence. He shuddered to think of himself trying to explain his actions at the Pearly Gates…_But it was for their own good._ The words sounded lame even in his head. There was no way for Grissom to deny how much he was hurting those he cared about the most in his life. Only the knowledge that he was saving them from greater pain in the future kept Grissom from going back on his plan completely.

He recounted over how much he'd accomplished. It was unlikely Catherine was soon going to forget the things he'd said to her. He knew her well enough to know that insulting her leadership and her independence was the sure-fire way to eliminate himself as her 'father figure'. Likewise he knew that suggesting Greg, who was in fact showing great promise, was an inept CSI was the surest way to lower his standing in Greg's opinion.

Grissom felt like some horrible cliché from an old sci-fi movie. He was using all his knowledge of the friendships he'd formed over the past years against the people he'd grown to…love. He was almost ready for someone to begin calling back from the dark side of the force. _But that's not going to happen_ he was forced to admit _no happy ending this time…just a broken family. _Even so, there was no denying that Grissom had to break the family sooner rather than later and, as such, decided to continue on with his plan.

They arrived at the house of Jonah Mikler after about twenty minutes of driving. It was getting dark and the city's lights were bright in the sky. They found the house to be an average building in the middle of the suburbs. There was nothing suspicious at all about the house, or the neighborhood in general. But of course that was no guarantee of the situation. Warrick and Grissom walked towards the front door with caution and knocked on the door.

A man in his mid-forties opened the door. He had short blonde hair and brown eyes and he was grinning as he addressed the men waiting for him on his front step.

"Can I help you gentlemen?" He asked amicably.

"Mr. Mikler?" Grissom asked.

"That's me!" He smiled again.

"We're from the Las Vegas Crime Lab," Grissom continued gesturing towards the vests both he and Warrick were wearing. "Could we have a word with you?"

"Uhhh, sure." The man's forehead wrinkled in concern but he moved aside and gestured Grissom and Warrick into his living room. "Umm can I get you gentlemen anything to drink?"

"No thanks," Warrick spoke up. He was trying to decide whether or not he trusted the man who was now taking a seat in front of them. He was obviously flustered, but was that because he was thinking fast in order to hide something, or simply because he was startled by the arrival of two unexpected police officers this late in the day?

"So…you two are from the, the crime lab?"

"Yes," Warrick continued. "And we came here to ask you about your relationship with a woman named Kelly Gordon."

"Kelly?" The man's face suddenly became a bit paler. He was clearly very concerned about the turn this conversation was taking. "She's not in trouble is she?"

Warrick and Grissom were both surprised by the question. If this man was in on what was going on he would already of known the answer to that question. Furthermore if he'd been hired to kill several people, it was unlikely that he'd be too concerned about the welfare of the person who hired him. Either this man was completely innocent of what was going on, or he was a very good actor. Unfortunately both options were equally as likely.

"We haven't determined that yet." Warrick decided to inform him. "But we need to know why you've been in to visit her so much lately."

"Oh, uh, of course." The man continued, and as he kept talking his voice became more even, his demeanor more relaxed. "Well I'm actually an employee of a project called the Las Vegas Reentry Program. I work with Kelly in order to help her make sure she's ready to reenter society when her sentence has been served. We usually talk over the phone but a few weeks ago…Well, that's confidential you know…"

Warrick and Grissom were both blown away by this news. Their only suspect in a multiple homicide case was a public servant, a counselor! It was at this moment that Warrick's cell phone began ringing. He checked the caller ID and, seeing that it was his own home number, apologized to Grissom and Mr. Mikler and left the room to take the call.

Grissom continued his conversation with the man in front of him. "Mr. Mikler I understand that your conversations are confidential but this is important to the investigation of a very important case. I promise the specifics will remain confidential."

"Ok, I guess there's a loophole for the police. Well a few weeks ago Kelly got a visit from someone…umm Mitch, or Mick or something…anyways she wouldn't tell me what he said to her but it really impacted her. She said it made her think a lot about what she was doing with the time she had…she became much more involved in the program after that and she agreed to face-to-face counseling sessions. As opposed to over the phone I mean. That's why I've been visiting her."

"Oh," Grissom said after sitting in silence for a few moments. It was becoming clear to him that this man had nothing to do with the case he was investigating. "Well thank you for your cooperation."

Grissom shook hands with the man and left the house. He saw Warrick standing on the sidewalk near his car and heard him say "okay man I'll talk to ya soon," before he flipped the phone closed and turned towards Grissom with an inquisitive look.

Grissom saw the opportunity before him. He desperately wanted to let it slip. Every part of him regretted what he was about to do…but he saw no other choice.

"Placing a bet?" He asked Warrick in as casual a tone as he could muster.

"No I … What? Gris, you know I got out of that…" Warrick was blind sighted by the question, especially coming from someone who knew so well what he'd gone through as a result of his gambling in the past.

"Well, of course I'm going to wonder. I mean, you leave the middle of an interrogation to take a call…wouldn't be the first time."

Warrick opened and closed his mouth several times but couldn't find the words to describe his disbelief at the words coming out of Grissom's mouth, but he wasn't finished yet.

"I mean, you know what they say…" Grissom's heart was breaking at the thought of his next words. "Once a gambler, always a gambler right…you'll always be on the radar."

"Grissom," Warrick's voice was weak with incredulity as he gestured toward his phone, "it was Nick."

"Oh," was all Grissom said before climbing into the passenger's side and waiting for Warrick to get in behind the wheel. Warrick stood for a moment staring at the darkened sky. Part of him was wishing that he could slap himself awake and escape from this bad dream but the other part of him was already trying to figure out where this opinion of Grissom's had come from. He'd never before voiced concerns that Warrick might be back into gambling…it'd been years since he'd gone near it! With no solution coming to him he had nothing to do but climb into the car, start it, and begin the silent journey back to the lab.

* * *

When they arrived back at the lab Grissom and Warrick were told that both Sara and Greg had gone home for the night. Catherine informed them that they were clear to leave too, once they'd left their report on the situation with Mikler. She didn't want anyone to have to pull a triple shift if they didn't have to and, after all, there was only one case going on at the moment.

As Grissom informed Catherine the man they'd found was not linked to the case, he thought he noticed that she was avoiding his eye. She kept her gaze slightly over his left shoulder and refused to look him in the face. Grissom grew more and more frustrated by it as his report went on, which was irrational because it could only mean that his plan had worked; Catherine wasn't even willing to look at him anymore.

As soon as he finished explaining the situation to Catherine (and Warrick who was listening in as well) Grissom turned on his heel and walked back out of the building towards his car. Just before he left he heard Catherine talking to Warrick.

"Do you know what's going on with Greg, he seemed really upset!" she was saying.

"No clue," Warrick answered, clearly distracted by his own thoughts. "I've gotta get home and tell Nick what's going on…I'll be back in the morning."

Grissom felt sick to his stomach at his own success. And it wasn't over yet.

Grissom realized as he drove home that he had inadvertently saved the worst for last. There was one person whom he was least looking forward to hurting; because he knew it was going to be so easy, and that her pain would be the worst.

When he pulled up to his building Grissom walked into his apartment and kicked off his shoes. He walked to the cupboard and poured himself a whisky shot; this was going to take some liquid courage. He downed the shot quickly, remembering as he did why he so rarely drank. The liquid burned in his throat as he picked up the phone and began dialing the number to Sara's house.

"Hello?" Grissom heard Sara's voice on the other end of the line. It was groggy and Grissom realized that he must have woken her. Feeling even more guilt bubbling within him Grissom considered hanging up right now; his plan was close enough to being complete did he really have to do this? But in the next second he knew that he had no choice and so he answered.

"Sara? It's Grissom."

"Aww crap! I just got into bed Gris," Grissom heard the shuffling that was Sara trying to find a pair of pants and realized that she was so used to him calling her in to work in the middle of the night that she'd assumed that situation before he'd been able to explain himself further. God he wished that was why he was calling.

"No, Sara it's not a case." He continued quickly, "I'm calling because…well I wanted to ask; am I too late?"

"Too late?" Sara echoed clearly not catching on.

"I know you said I might be too late. I hope I'm not too late Sara."

"Gris?" Confusion came through the line clearly to reach Grissom's ears.

"Sara, would like to go for dinner tonight?"

"Grissom I… yes, of course I would!" The drowsiness in Sara's voice was long gone. She sounded excited and eager, as if one of her dreams had come true.

"Great," Grissom had to get through this quickly or it was going to kill him. "I'll meet you at the Top of the World in the Stratosphere in an hour!" and he hung up.

Pouring himself another shot Grissom walked back to his couch to lie down and close his eyes, though he knew he wouldn't be getting any sleep.

* * *

Sara heard the abrupt 'click' on the other end of the line and was surprised to find herself speaking to no one. _Oh well_ she thought as she hung up her phone as well and jumped out of her bed to flick on the lights. She could hardly contain he excitement.

She couldn't believe this was happening, after so long of dreaming, of wondering whether Grissom would ever build up the nerve…it was finally happening and she couldn't be happier! And he was taking her to the Top of the World! It was so appropriate, Sara decided giggling to herself as she began pouring through her nicest clothes. An elegant, fancy restaurant with the best view in Vegas…she was so excited!

Finally choosing her best dress, a full length black strapless, Sara headed into her bathroom to shower and get her makeup done. She only had an hour before she was supposed to meet Grissom and she hoped she could make herself dazzling in time.

After a short shower Sara did her makeup and tried to decide how she was going to style her hair, there were so many choices! Curly or straight? Curly, she decided after only a moment's thought. Up or down? The immediate choice was down of course, but then she thought again. Had Grissom ever seen her with her hair up? She couldn't remember that he ever had and so, deciding she might as well go all the way, she started crimping and pinning her hair into an elaborate up-do.

Sara surprised herself by managing to finish her hair in only 45 minutes, quite the feat considering how good it looked. Even Sara, who hated wearing her hair up for any occasion, had to admit that she'd never looked better. She slipped on a pair of very painful and therefore very beautiful high heeled sandals, and headed out her front door for the taxi that was waiting there; there was no way she was driving the way she looked. She almost felt ordering a limo would have been more appropriate but decided that that may have been going slightly over the top.

Sara arrived at the restaurant only 15 minutes late, but she was sure that seeing her would push any thoughts of tardiness out of Grissom's mind. She couldn't remember ever feeling more beautiful, or more excited. The long elevator ride to the top of the stratosphere seemed to take and eternity, she couldn't wait to see the expression on Grissom's face when he saw her. She was determined to ensure Grissom would have no way to regret finally taking the plunge.

She arrived at the restaurant and asked the host at the front desk to direct her to where Grissom sat. The host politely informed her that no one under that name had arrived yet and asked her whether she would like to sit at the bar and wait for him. Sara was highly surprised that she'd beaten Grissom there – she didn't realize he possessed the ability to be late – but she sat down anyway to wait, eyeing the dish full of cashews set in front of her with mild interest.

After 20 minutes of waiting at the bar Sara began to get concerned. Whether or not he was late there was absolutely no way Grissom would leave her here by herself for this long. _He would never hurt you Sara_ she assured herself again. The only conclusion she could come to was that Grissom had been called into work and hadn't been able to contact her. She extracted her cell phone from her very tiny purse and checked to make sure it was on and working. There were no missed calls.

Sara, only slightly concerned, decided to dial Grissom's house. She could assure herself that he wasn't there and leave a message on his machine. She could imagine how fun it would be to taunt Grissom about having to go to work instead of seeing her like this. She knew he would've been devastated at being called in but, alas, when it came to Grissom, nothing took priority over his work.

Sara was having so much fun rehearsing the scandalous message she planned to place on Grissom's machine that she was completely unprepared for him to answer the phone, which of course he did after only couple of rings.

"Hello?" His voice sounded normal…he didn't seem to have been stabbed through the throat.

"Gris? Umm what are you doing at home?" Sara was very confused.

"Sara." Grissom sounded exasperated, as though Sara was interrupting something very important.

"Grissom…Gil, what are you doing?"

"I was about to go to bed Sara."

"Bed? But…but what about dinner." Sara knew there was something else up. She bit back the tears that were threatening to spill onto her cheeks.

"Dinner…Oh. Haha, you didn't actually think I was serious about that did you?" He let that hang for moment. "I mean, what's changed Sara? Unless you were counting on some kind of pity vote based on your seriously disturbed childhood."

Sara couldn't bear to listen to another word. The tears she'd been trying to restrain poured down her cheeks, ruining her carefully applied makeup. "Gil … how could you?" was all she managed to choke out before she slammed her phone closed and ran as fast as she could in three-inch heels to the elevator.

Grissom sat in his apartment. He stared at the walls covered in specimens of butterflies and other assorted bugs. He had heard the pain in Sara's voice. His heart broke when he realized she was crying. He imagined her, sitting alone in her apartment crying long into the night. He reminded himself that he had no other choice; he had to take the brunt of the pain involved in breaking his only family apart. _She can't miss what she never had._

_But then why do I hate myself so much right now?_

**I know I know! This chapter was WAY too late in coming! I hope you'll forgive me, I seem to be taking far too long to update. As some sort of compensation, this chapter is the longest yet and I'll try to update with the next chapter more quickly! I would like to blame my Beta for the delay but I can't. The blame all lies with me. And by the way an ENORMOUS thank you to my BETA!**

**Thank you all for the fabulous reviews of the last chapter (few as you may be):**

**Beta: haha very funny (see above for your response)**

**Nix707: Well, as we've seen Nick has left his house lol. I'd definitely have gotten out of there as fast as I could too. I'm glad to hear you have so much faith in Grissom/Catherine's relationship…but in the world of fanfiction, who knows? Muah ha ha.**

**Everybetty: (Whose writing I am totally addicted to and loving btw) I'm glad you kind of understand the reasoning behind Grissom's actions and I tried to have a little more of his own deluded self-rationalization in this chapter. As to who's leaving the notes…that must remain a mystery lol. Though I'm not sure yet for how much longer.**

**Mma63: I'm glad you're enjoying my story. Lol I am also hooked on Nick (or should I say George Eads in general?) haha but who couldn't be? As to the 'who's leaving the notes'…while you'll have to wait just like everybetty lol (though hopefully not for too much longer).**

**LiluPegasus: I'm honored you think I have talent and I'm thrilled to hear you're enjoying the story. Thanks so much for the review!**

**I absolutely love reading reviews PLEASE keep them coming. And if anyone cares to offer any advice or take a guess as to who's behind all this…feel free! (I'm curious to see if anyone will figure it out before the next chapter, when I think it will be revealed)**


	11. Their only clue

**Disclaimer: Still don't own CSI sigh**

Nick was sick of sitting around an empty house long before Warrick made it home that night. He was flipping through the channels on the television – _how is it possible to have 150 channels and nothing on? – _whenWarrick walked though the front door, looking very upset. Nick's mind immediately presented him with numerous scenarios, each more grisly than the next, which could account for the expression on his friend's face. Images of the bodies of his friends and co-workers were working their way through his mind by the time he managed to give himself a mental slap. _"Come on pull yourself together," _he thought. And he rose from the couch looking equally as concerned.

"Warrick, man what's wrong?"

Warrick looked over at Nick. He'd been so deep within his own thoughts he'd almost forgotten that he was waiting for him. Almost, not quite. He quickly schooled his features to mask the feelings of indignation and shock he'd been feeling since he'd last spoken with Grissom.

"Ahh, nothing man." He managed to say, "just a long shift…you know how it is."

"Yeah," Nick responded, still searching Warrick's now calm face for a sign of the anxiety that had been there only a moment before. "I see you had to pull a double." He finished with a gesture to the window outside through which the night sky was clearly visible.

Warrick sighed and headed into the kitchen. He was not looking forward to informing his friend that the past 24 hours of work they'd done had yielded nothing. Instead he shouted over his shoulder towards the living room, "hey, you had anything to eat?"

"No," Nick answered, "I just woke up like, half an hour ago."

"Man you must have been wiped. You hungry now?" Warrick knew he was stalling, but he couldn't seem to figure out what to say. There was far too much racing through his mind at the moment.

"Umm, ya." Nick shouted towards the kitchen, unable to see what Warrick was doing. His attitude was confusing him more and more as time went on. He must have known how badly Nick was aching for any information about this psycho that seemed to have targeted him for some unknown reason. Why on earth was he stalling like this? Unless he was hiding something horrible…

Warrick heated up some leftover pizza and sat down at the table, setting another plate next to him and indicating for Nick to sit down. Nick sat next to him, grabbed a slice of pizza and braced himself for the worst. If there was any good news to report, he knew Warrick wouldn't have delayed.

"So…you talked to this guy, Jonah Mikler?" Nick decided he would get the ball rolling.

"Uh, no." Warrick answered and he saw Nick's face fall. "But Grissom did," he continued quickly. He paused for a moment, allowing himself to dwell for an instant on the conversation he'd had with Grissom shortly after his interrogation. He was still having trouble believing the words that had been exchanged. It had always been a bit of a joke around the lab that Warrick was Grissom's favorite; his kind of protégé, now he was supposed to believe that all this time Grissom had never really trusted him? He was having trouble adjusting to the idea.

"And…?" Nick prompted after Warrick fell silent.

"And, I'm sorry Nick," Warrick continued, apologizing both for the delay in information and the news he was forced to deliver. "It didn't pan out. There's no way this guy had anything to do with what's going on. Cath checked the alibi to be sure…and he wasn't involved."

"Oh," was all Nick could bring himself to say. He was obviously disappointed by the news, but considering he had been expecting the arrival of more bodies for the morgue, he wasn't as discouraged as he could have been. He looked down at his pizza, but realized suddenly that he didn't have much of an appetite.

"I'm gonna grab a shower and head back to the lab," Warrick was trying to bring some form of hope to Nick when he needed it so badly. "We'll figure this out. I promise."

There it was again. That promise. Nick had heard it twice now, from two separate people, each promising what they had no right to promise, there was no guarantee that they would be able to figure this out. Nick wasn't interested in fighting. He let it slip. Suddenly, as he went over Warrick's words again, his face lit up.

"Hey, you're going back to the lab? Awesome, I'll drive!"

Warrick looked up to see if his friend was kidding. He wasn't.

"Nick, you can't come with me. You'll have to hang out here. If you're involved in this case you can't investigate it…you know that."

Nick's face was filled with disappointment once more. He'd known that he wouldn't be allowed to investigate the case, but he'd hoped for a second there would be some sort of compromise made this time. He was sick of feeling worthless and, with nothing to distract him; he was having trouble keeping himself from panicking over little things. Resolved to do something about the situation he continued.

"Okay I know I can't work the case…then can you give me a ride back to my place on your way? I need to get a shower."

Warrick was suspicious. It made absolutely no sense to him that Nick would want to reenter the house that had been proven unsafe. There was no guarantee he would be alone, or unwatched.

"Nick, do you think that's such a good idea?"

Nick was sure of himself this time. He was not going to let circumstances dictate how he ran his life any longer. And, somehow, even with the knowledge that someone could get into his house, Nick felt safer there. His house had always been a place where he was in control. He wasn't willing to have that taken from him.

"Yeah, I'm sure. I've gotta scrub this dirt off." He finished with a chuckle to try to convince Warrick and, though he knew there was more to it than was being said, Warrick finally gave in and agreed to take Nick home before heading back to work.

* * *

Sara didn't know what to do. When she reached the entrance to the restaurant she asked for a cab and, not knowing what to do with herself, she simply told the cab driver to 'drive'. When he asked her where she wanted him to drive to she answered only, "Just…drive."

Now, fifty dollars and a lot of tears later, she knew she was going to have to tell the driver where he was headed. Without a doubt, he would have been content to continue driving aimlessly – while racking up her bill – all night, but there reached a point when Sara had to be concerned with how much money she had on her. Finally she lent forward, tapped on the glass and through a strained voice gave the driver the address to the Las Vegas Crime Lab.

She didn't know why she was headed back to the lab. It made no sense whatsoever, Catherine had sent everyone home and, until they found out about this Jonah Mikler character, there was nothing for her to do there but go over the evidence they'd already been over several times. Despite all the reasoning against it though, somehow Sara was convinced that the only thing that could get her through this was her work. She needed to work.

When the cab pulled up in front of the building, Sara stepped out and realized her first mistake. She was still elaborately dressed in a black, strapless, gown. She would look ridiculous walking into the lab and, even though she knew no one from the night shift was supposed to be working at the moment, the lab was always bustling with activity and she was bound to be noticed.

With no other option open to her, Sara entered the building and tried to look as inconspicuous as possible as she walked down the hall towards the locker room.

"SARA!"

"_Great,"_ she thought to herself, "_that's all I need right now…a conversation with Greg!"_ But, seeing as he'd already spotted her, she decided to seek a temporary refuge in the otherwise empty DNA lab Greg was sitting in.

"What are you still doing here? And what are you doing in the DNA lab?" Sara questioned, though it seemed obvious that Greg was the one that should have been asking questions at the moment.

"I… I came back here to think." Greg answered averting his eyes. "I was always able to think best in here." Sara, despite her emotions at the time, found that she was suppressing a grin. It was obviously taking everything Greg had in him to refrain from interrogating her as to the reasoning behind her wardrobe.

"Sara…" Greg finally began.

"_Here it comes,"_ Sara braced herself for the questioning.

"You look beautiful…I mean more so than usual." The wording Greg chose stunned Sara. He was really very clever. He wanted to know why she was dressed so well desperately, but he had his own unique way of figuring it out. One Sara could not escape.

"Yeah, thanks. I was going to go out for dinner but…it got cancelled so I just headed here." Greg accepted the answer without further questioning and allowed Sara to exit the room. She entered the locker room where, thankfully, a change of clothes was waiting for her. Back in her normal attire, Sara prepared to get some work done. She pushed Grissom, and all the thing she would like to do if she could only get her hands on him, out of her mind.

She decided against going back into the DNA lab. She'd gotten a strong impression that there was something bothering Greg and, as much as he loved having her around, she was sure he would rather be alone at the moment. Instead, she walked into the evidence locker and started sifting through everything that pertained to the case they were trying to solve.

She picked up both notes, and replaced them. She looked at the ants Grissom had collected, and replaced them with a grimace – she did not want to think of Grissom at all right now. She noticed the piece of Plexiglas, but let her eyes slip over it. She was about ready to give up and go home when she noticed the final piece of evidence they had right now; the flower. Something about that flower was familiar to her; looking closer she was sure she'd seen something very like it before. But where?

Sara put on a pair of gloves and slowly removed the flower from the evidence bag. She looked down at it, on her palm. The small white petals were wilting, the flower would not survive for long and they would be short another piece of evidence. The flower had been placed at the crime scene very carefully; it had to have some kind of purpose. It was a clue, she was sure of it, just as she was sure that she'd seen a flower like this before. If she could only place it…and then, finally, it hit her and she pulled out her cell phone to dial Catherine's number.

* * *

Nick was glad to be home. Despite the recent terrors he'd been forced to live with, it was still his home. He felt more in control here than anywhere else. And he did not like feeling out of control. A he unlocked his door and entered his living room, he thought about the trip he'd taken from Warrick's house.

Warrick had been unusually quiet during the drive. It didn't bother Nick, as he had quite enough to think of on his own, but he realized that it was very unlike Warrick to try to make small talk. He was constantly annoying Nick by assuming he was only happy when discussing some irrelevant sports banter, but tonight there had been nothing.

Nick stretched as he entered his room. Thankfully there were no more notes to be found. Perhaps the case was winding down and all that was left to be done was to figure out who was behind the deaths at the gravesite and make them pay. Filled with these slightly more cheerful thoughts, Nick moved into the bathroom and moved towards his shower.

Nick hadn't been lying when he'd told Warrick he needed a shower very badly. He hadn't had one since he'd visited the site, that made it over 24 hours. Shuddering slightly at the state he was in, Nick climbed into his bathtub and turned the hot water on full blast.

A deep sigh emanated from Nick's throat as he felt the hot water cascading slowly down his tense muscles. He could almost feel himself relaxing as the water made it's way down his back, over his thighs, and around his ankles. The water took with it some of the dread Nick had been holding within him since he'd set foot on his first case since his own brush with death. He let a low moan of satisfaction.

Nick stayed in the shower until the hot water began to run cold. It wasn't until he heard a strange noise from the next room that he tore himself out of his relaxed state and crashed back into reality. He climbed cautiously out of the shower and wrapped a clean towel around his waist. Water was still dripping from his chest, legs and hair. _There it was again, a noise!_ Forcing himself to breath deeply Nick stared into the mirror. He was doing it again, just like he had at Warrick's. He was letting something insignificant worry him into a panic. He tried to take control and told himself that there was nothing to worry about… he was just being paranoid.

After a few minutes of hearing nothing but his own breathing, Nick was convinced that he had indeed imagined the noises he'd heard from the hallway. Much calmer than he had been upon exiting the shower, Nick reached for the door handle and stepped out into the hallway. Immediately after setting foot on the carpet, Nick felt the cold steel against his temple that could only mean a bullet was only inches from his brain.

**Muah ha ha another nasty cliffhanger, but I did manage to get this chapter out much more quickly and I will try my best to continue with the next one soon. I know this chapter wasn't as long as a couple I've posted and I seriously considered not ending it there…but the possibility for the cliffhanger was just too irresistible (sorry :( )**

**Everybetty: thanks again for the compliments. I'm so glad you're still enjoying the story. Haha you (and I) got your wish. Naked Nick, and no I didn't do it just for the sake of envisioning him naked (which I'm sure would be reason enough anyways lol) but it will be mentioned again and come into play in the next chapter (sadly, in a very unfortunate way for Nick I think). Keep reading and thanks so much for the reviews!**

**Emma: I really wasn't trying to make Grissom evil; I was going for more…confused. Not that it wasn't a little fun lol. I realize that it was very mean of me to do but I do hope you can see the reasoning behind it (a little bit anyways). You're making me blush with all the compliments but thank you so much I just love to hear people are liking the read!**

**Mma63: I'm really trying to keep it coming as fast as I can, we're nearing a conclusion I think and I can't wait to get to it (I'm sure you're just as anxious or more considering you don't already know what it is) lol keep reading and thanks so much! **

**Nix707: As promised (actually I'm not sure if I did promise or not) here are more Nick scenes. And there's much more to come of Nick in the next chapter! Thanks for the review!**


	12. Control

**Disclaimer: I do not own CSI or anything to do with it!**

Nick's breathing was slow and steady. He felt cold steel against his skull. His hair was still damp and he could feel the warm water mixing with his sweat and rolling down his neck onto his back. He was unsure of what to do with the situation he was in. It was impossible for him to turn around without provoking whoever was holding a gun to his head and so; instead, he slowly raised his arms until his hands were parallel to his shoulders.

"Well, I've gotta say…this is the most interesting thing that's happened to me all day!"

Nick was surprised to find himself trying to joke about the situation he was in. He was at the complete mercy of a total stranger. Someone he couldn't see or identify had control over whether he lived or died. Yet somehow the feeling of panic that had threatened to surface so frequently lately was still safely buried in his stomach. His breathing was slow and steady.

"You're trying to fucking joke with me?"

Nick was pleased with himself despite the dire position he was in. Though he seemed to have angered his captor with his attempt at humor, he had nevertheless managed to learn something about her; for the voice now placed next to his ear was without a doubt female. Nick realized with some satisfaction that he was most likely stronger than his opponent and would be able to overpower her. The only problem he had to deal with now was the gun pressing against his head.

As far as he could hear, the voice was not being altered in any way. The girl was standing close to him, close enough that their bodies were being pressed together. Nick was suddenly aware of how very naked he was beneath the towel wrapped around his waist. Subconsciously, he made the decision to take one hand from its position next to his shoulder and use it to ensure he did not lose the only covering he had on.

"What are you doing? KEEP YOUR HANDS UP!"

The girl was angry and sounded a little scared as well. Nick was sure he could use this to his advantage if only he could remove the problem of the gun.

"I don't know what you want or why you're here," Nick decided to try his chances at reasoning with the girl and see where it got him, "but I can almost guarantee that I won't be able to help you without any clothes on."

There was a pause that lasted an eternity as the woman standing behind Nick considered his words. Her indecision was evident and with each passing moment Nick was becoming more and more sure that he could handle the situation he was in. It was nice to finally have something happen that he could control. He was able to affect the outcome of his circumstances now, no more waiting or wondering.

Finally the girl mumbled, "fine" and shoved Nick towards his bedroom door. Nick didn't have to wonder at how she knew which way to go. He was fairly certain he'd been in his house before. Twice.

Nick purposely took a bit of a stumble as he stepped into his bedroom and it was then that the girl standing with him made her first big mistake. She removed the gun from Nick's temple. He was finally able to turn around and look into her face, though nothing he could have imagined could have prepared him for what he saw there.

The first thing Nick was forced to admit was that the girl had once been very pretty and there was no way to deny it. She had long, dark hair that swept behind her ears and rested in the small of her back. She was very thin; the bones of her face were far too prominent. She was dirty, it was clear both by her appearance and by her smell that she hadn't showered in at least a few days. As bad as all these things made her look, it was the eyes that truly shocked Nick when he was first taking in her appearance.

Her eyes were brown, but they held none of the warmth of love that Nick had known in the brown eyes of other women in his life. Her eyes were cold. They almost looked unfocused, as if she wasn't really seeing what was right in front of her. It took Nick only a moment to decided what the word was…crazed. That was it, her eyes looked crazed. This woman was not in control of what was going on, even when she held the gun pointing into Nick's chest; and if she wasn't in control, that left only one alternative, as unlikely as it seemed given their positions, Nick was in control.

Bending down slowly, Nick picked up a pair of jeans that had been lying in a heap on his floor and turned his back on the woman facing him. He was careful not to expose himself to her as he slid the jeans slowly up to his waist and fastened the button. Sighing slightly he let the moist towel drop to the floor, which he would normally never have done but he decided that these were extenuating circumstances, and turned back to look into her face. Her expression had hardened slightly and she gestured forcefully for him to come towards her.

Nick decided that the most important thing for him to do at the moment was stay alive. That being said he was also hoping to gather as much information about this person as he possibly could. Something in him assured him that, had this woman wanted to kill him he would already be dead, and he used this belief as a source of bravery to face the trials he knew were coming ahead. Thoughts about the best course of action raced through his mind as he was led back down his hallway into the living room and sat down in a chair at his kitchen table. The woman now stood eyeing him, the gun pointed directly at his face.

"So, what are you doing here?"

"Figures you don't know. God how stupid are you? I left enough clues for a frickin' three year old to figure this out!"

Nick was confused. Clues, what clues? Was this girl honestly suggesting that the notes she'd been leaving in his house were clues? One thing was for sure, Nick considered himself much smarter than a three year old so this person obviously hadn't been as obvious as she'd hoped.

"You're talking about the notes? Were you the one leaving them here?" Nick's mind was so full of questions he was having trouble deciding which were most important and had to be put forward first.

The girl laughed. The noise was anything but cheerful; rather it was hollow sound. There was very little amusement left in her. "You really don't know who I am do you?"

Nick was forced to admit his ignorance. For an instant he considered that he'd been left out of the loop. Perhaps his friends had managed to identify the person behind this and hadn't bothered to call him? "_No," _he shook himself mentally, _"they would never do that."_

"Well than screw this." The girl had continued talking while Nick was lost in his thoughts. He realized he'd only been listening to half of what she said and forced himself to pay closer attention. "I was supposed to find you here fully aware of what was going on. And I could end it, knowing I'd achieved my purpose. But if you don't even know who I am…"

Her words made very little sense to Nick but he forced himself to play along. "How could you end it?" he wondered aloud.

"By ending you." It was a simple statement and though it caused Nick's face to drain of colour he was also aware of the fact that something seemed to have spoiled this plan she was speaking of. Finally he realized that the question he should be asking was the obvious of them all.

"Why me?"

"Because you hurt her and I love her. I won't allow you to live knowing you caused her pain. She cried for days after you."

Now Nick was sitting across from this woman staring blankly into the barrel of her gun. _What the hell is she talking about?_ He found himself thinking. He had no idea how they'd managed to switch the conversation to someone else. Even worse he had absolutely no clue who this woman he supposedly hurt was. He hadn't had a girlfriend in months.

The only conclusion that could be reached was that this woman was clinically insane. Nick couldn't come up with any other explanation for what had happened to him over the last few days. This woman must have snapped and for some reason blamed Nick for something he'd never done.

The woman looked almost as confused as Nick was and she was getting angry at the fact that her fabulous plan wasn't working as well as she'd hoped. She knew that the game was up already, she'd ruined it. She hadn't bothered to cover her tracks in gaining entry to Nick's house because she'd planned to leave it in a body bag. Now she was everywhere; her footprints on the carpet, her handprint where she'd touched the doorknob to Nick's bedroom, she knew the lab would identify her and that she would be thrown to the dogs for killing as many people as she had. There was nothing else for it; she refused to allow them to take her on their terms.

Nick looked up from his thoughts when he noticed that the woman was no longer sitting in the chair across from him. In the time he'd been thinking about the case she'd stood up and removed the gun from his face. She was pointing it at herself.

"NO!" Nick screamed before it had registered what was going on. If he let this woman die none of his questions would be answered. There would be no one to tell him the reasoning behind this second hell he'd been through! He leapt towards the brunette but before he'd bridged half the gap between them he heard the resounding BANG that meant he was far too late. Within an instant he was staring at the lifeless form of the wasted woman lying in an awkward on his kitchen floor.

**Hello everyone! I am so sorry it took so long to get this chapter out but school's starting up again and that means way too much fun lol. And on top of that this chapter's a short one! I know it's just not fair but I will try to update sooner (I promise I will try as hard as I can). Okay this chapter only held one point of view and I plan to leave all the questions for answering in the next chapter. Yes I'm afraid this story is drawing near to a close I only really see two more chapters before the story is finished…no point in dragging it out to the demise of the storyline I guess! Just so you know in the interest of speed I posted this chapter before the ok from my beta so any mistakes rest completely on my head! Thanks so much to everyone who's reading!**

**And enormous thanks for all the reviews!**

sokerfreek922: **I'm thrilled you're liking the story and again I'm sorry for making you wait so long for this chapter (I hope you can forgive me!) I haven't seen your reviews until this chapter and thanks so much for deciding to hop on the reviewers' train! Lol I know that was a lame metaphor but thanks all the same!**

FrodoLijactress: **This chapter kinda served as an anticlimax I guess…I don't know whether that's the word for it but…ya the next chapter will hopefully have some answers and the final chapter will (obviously) wrap everything up. Please keep reading and thanks for the review!**

Mma63: **This chapter should definitely stomp out that concern about Nick I was hoping to get the idea across that he wasn't spazzing quite so much anymore (I'm sure you got that already) thanks so much for the review. Keep reading!**

Nix707: **Sigh though I would of course enjoy spending a little more time with naked Nick lol I had to go and ruin it by putting some pants on! Hope you liked the drama and thanks for the review. Btw I'm loving Full Throttle!**

rojaji: **haha, sorry about the cliffhanger but this one's not quite so bad. I'm thrilled ur liking the story and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!**

everybetty: **lol I'm glad you saw the reasoning behind the cliffie and I'm so sorry it took this long to get this chapter out! I know this chapter wasn't exactly illuminating but I hope everything will come through more clearly in the next chapter. Thanks so much for all the reviews!**


	13. Answers

**Disclaimer: As you know by now I am not the owner of anything CSI related in any way.**

Grissom rolled over once and received a major shock in the form of a loud BANG. It was only after he'd hit his carpet that he realized he'd fallen asleep on his couch. Groaning slightly he reached a hand onto the coffee table and braced himself in order to drag his aching body back onto the couch. His head had a dull ache where it had met the floor, but he knew it was nothing to the headache he'd have once he was fully awake.

Grissom didn't lose control, ever. It was something he'd done once at a party in college, one of his only friends had convinced him to get very drunk and he hadn't done it since. Control was an essential part of Grissom's life and when he lost it, he was lost along with it. Needless to say, he was not a person who was used to hangovers.

The bottle of whisky stood mocking Grissom in the middle of the table. The first thing Grissom did was snatch it up by the neck and head straight for his kitchen sink. The contents of the bottle were quickly drained and Grissom felt a small amount of satisfaction as he watched the liquid flow down the pipe. It would be a long time before he let himself lose control again.

As sick as Grissom felt, and he felt incredibly sick as he stumbled into his bathroom, he knew he hadn't gotten nearly drunk enough last night. If he'd gotten as drunk as he'd hoped to before his exhaustion had taken over, he wouldn't still be haunted by the silence of Sara's tears this morning.

He could still hear Sara's choked words, "Gil…how could you?" He knew that they would echo in his head for a long time to come. He knew at last he had ended Sara's feelings towards him. There would be no more jerking her around, this time it was final. She would probably never look at him again. _Good_ he thought _at least she won't be hurt later on._

A small part of Grissom began to realize, as he stood staring at his tormented reflection in the mirror above his bathroom sink, that he was being a fool. This portion of his brain was quickly pushed aside. It was impossible for Grissom to analyze his way out of what he'd already done. He was truly alone now, the same way he'd spent most of his life, and he knew there was no turning back.

* * *

Sara walked into the lab where Greg was still reeling from their last encounter. She put her cell phone back in her pocket and nudged Greg gently on the shoulder to get his attention. Greg started and pulled an earphone that Sara had failed to notice out of his left ear. Sara started to apologize for startling him but was cut off when the shock of what Greg was listening to hit her. Where she had been expecting a screaming metal or rock band she was instead greeted with the dulcet tones of a classical concierto she'd never heard.

The shock was enough for her to momentarily lose her train of thought in order to question Greg.

"What are you listening to?"

"What?" Greg answered slyly, "You think you know everything about me Sara, I listen to more than System of a Down you know!"

Sara tried not to look as though this was news to her, but she relaxed when she realized Greg was smiling at her.

"Actually, I'm not really enjoying this." Greg continued after only a slight hesitation. "Grissom suggested it to me so I started listening to it…I think I'm done with it though."

And with that Greg removed the earphone from his right ear and laid his i-Pod down on the table in front of him. He turned back to Sara and she could see that he was giving her his full attention so she began to tell him the reason she'd disturbed him in the first place.

"I already called Catherine, she's on her way in. Warrick should be here pretty soon too. I've definitely just cracked the case."

Greg could feel the pride emanating off Sara. She was obviously ecstatic at having finally figured out what was behind these seemingly random attacks on their friend. And she had a right to be; everyone in the lab was dying to figure out what was going on.

It wasn't long before Catherine and Warrick were both in the lab. It was obvious they'd rushed over to find out Sara's 'case-breaking' news. They greeted Sara and Greg in the break room and, after little or no preamble Sara began talking.

"…It was all in the flower!" She eventually finished her long tale, beaming at everyone assembled. The group was looking back at her dumbfounded. No one there could believe they'd missed the evidence so completely. It had all been right in front of them the entire time and only Sara had managed to put all the pieces together. However disappointed each member of the team was with their own performance, as a group they were thrilled that they'd be able to call Nick and inform him that they finally knew who was causing him such turmoil. The warrant would be obtained and this freak would be put behind bars for a very, very long time.

Warrick told the group quickly that he'd dropped Nick off at his townhouse before coming in to work. His friends' immediate reaction was of concern but Warrick quickly explained himself, and, as they had finally caught he person responsible, they decided it couldn't have done any harm. It was Greg who suggested that Sara be the one to call Nick and inform him that they were on their way with some good news.

Still reeling off the high of having solved a particularly difficult case Sara snatched her cell phone out of her pocket and dialed Nick's home number. The phone rang twice before she heard Nick's voice, sounding calm but strained on the other end of the line.

Catherine, Warrick and Greg looked up expectantly at her and were horrified when they saw the smile slide off her lips. In the time it took for Warrick to take a swig of the coffee in front of him, Sara's expression changed from one of jubilation to one of horror. The faces of everyone assembled quickly mirrored her own. The suspense was especially intense as they could only hear half of the conversation that was taking place; more than enough to cause them alarm.

"What! … Nick are you okay? … Dead? … We'll be right there!"

At the word "dead" the blood drained from Catherine's face. Her heart froze for several beats and her breath caught in her chest. Her mind took over after a moment of panic and forced her to think logically. Obviously Nick was all right, he's answered the phone hadn't he? _But what if it wasn't Nick on the phone? What if Nick was already dead and they were too late? _She wasn't forced to wonder long. Sara's discussion with however spoke from the other line didn't last more than a few seconds.

"Nick…?" Catherine only managed to get out her friend's name but Sara understood completely.

"He's okay," Sara assured them all as soon as she'd closed her phone. "I didn't get too much out of him but we definitely need to get over there."

"I'll drive." Warrick interjected immediately.

Within two minutes the four of them were piled into Warrick's SUV and speeding to Nick's house with the emergency lights flashing. Catherine dialed Brass's number as they drove and informed him of the 419 awaiting them at Nick's house.

* * *

Nick stared down at the blank eyes of the woman that had caused him such turmoil in the past couple of days. He realized immediately that he hadn't ever wanted her dead. Even in the midst of everything he knew she'd done, he couldn't wish death on her. Looking down at her lifeless form spread across his kitchen floor, he couldn't help but wonder what had driven her to do something as drastic as suicide. She was a murderer, and now there was no way for him to feel the closure he'd always tried to find in the conclusion of a case. There would be no answers for him. There was only a corpse spread across his kitchen floor.

Calmly Nick stood up from the chair he'd sat in while trying to manage his initial shock. He stepped over the body blocking the way to the living room and turned down the hall to enter the bathroom. There was still a hint of steam in the air and a trace of condensation on his bathroom mirror. Nick realized he hadn't turned on his bathroom fan while he's taken his hot shower and quickly rectified the error. He then lifted the lid and toilet seat to expose the bowl of his toilet, half full of clear cold water. Nick knelt carefully on the rug and insured his face was completely covered before violently vomiting into the bowl.

Once he'd upturned the entire contents of his stomach, the retching stopped and Nick was able to stand up. He flushed the toilet and moved towards the sink in order to brush his teeth. When he opened the cabinet behind the mirror in order to retrieve his toothbrush and toothpaste, Nick saw the many bottles before him filled with the medicine he now needed to keep control.

Methodically, Nick began removing the bottles from the cabinet one by one. He slowly undid the lid of each bottle and poured the contents down his sink. He finally knew he wouldn't need them anymore. He had found the control he'd been missing since his burial.

It was while Nick was in the bathroom, putting the empty pill containers in the garbage, that he heard the phone begin to ring. Nick hurried back down the hall and towards the phone. As he ran to pick it up he noticed for the first time that his front door was wide open. He stopped himself from closing it, reminding himself that he could inadvertently wipe off important trace, and instead glanced at his caller ID. It was Sara.

Instead of hello Nick decided he would get right to the point.

"The suspect is here Sara."

_What?_

"She came to my house."

_Nick are you okay?_

"I'm fine, but she'd dead."

_Dead?_

"Yes she killed herself."

_Nick we'll be right there._

Nick hung up the phone and sighed. He took comfort in the fact that his friends were on their way. He didn't have to deal with anything anymore. As much as he didn't like the outcome, or would have preferred another, it was over. He could start putting the whole ordeal behind him. He sat on his front step, without touching anything, and waited for his friends to arrive.

* * *

Warrick was driving quickly but the trip seemed to take an eternity to everyone in the vehicle. It seemed hours later when they finally pulled up in front of Nick's town house. Brass seemed to have arrived before them, but only barely. He was just getting out of his car as they pulled in. All four of the CSI's quickly met up with him and together they approached Nick who seemed to be calmly sitting on his steps.

As anxious as everyone was to put the lid on this case once and for all, they realized too that it was imperative that they take their time processing the scene that had become of Nick's home. Each of the CSI's entered carefully and began processing the scene except for Catherine who took a seat next to Nick instead.

"Are you okay?" She asked carefully. Brass was standing nearby listening intently.

"Ya," Nick was able to answer with a slight smile. "I really think I am."

Catherine looked up at Brass and confirmed that he too was surprised at the words coming out of Nick's mouth; not only the words but their tone as well. It was hard not to believe what Nick was telling them. Catherine hadn't expected this at all, in fact she'd been terrified during this entire case that the proceedings would set Nick back in his recovery. She never would have though it possible that it would have the completely opposite in fact. It seemed to have cured him of the anxiety he'd struggled so hard with over the past weeks.

"I believe you Nick." Catherine said finally. Nick smiled in response.

"So what the hell happened here?" Brass broke the silence.

"Actually Sara's the one that figured it out. She was the only one that could have, well her or you I guess." She nodded towards Brass, who looked surprised at the information. Catherine continued to relay what Sara had informed the team of earlier. "Only the two of you could of figured it out because you were the only ones interrogating Kelly Gordon."

"Kelly Gordon?" Brass interjected, "So she was behind – "

"No." Nick cut across him. "She isn't the one in there." He added glancing back towards his house.

"No it wasn't Kelly," Catherine confirmed, "but she did tell you about the actual person during the interview. A convict by the name of Patricia Reynich."

In a flash Brass recalled sitting across the table from a disturbed blonde in her late twenties. A pale palm was extended towards him and on it was the image of a small white flower, carved crudely into her skin. "My cellmate, Trish, gave it to me for Valentine's Day…" He instantly understood.

"The cellmate."

"Yes." Catherine explained that Sara had recalled the same image when she'd been checking over the evidence and seen the flower again. She'd immediately called Catherine and informed her of her suspicion. The team had run a check into the whereabouts of Kelly's lover and found that she had in fact been released on bail just two weeks ago.

While listening to Catherine's explanation Nick began piecing together the bits of the puzzle that had eluded him; the impassioned speech from the woman as she stood with the gun on him. She had really been in love with her cellmate. Nick had read the report of his case. He knew that Kelly had been terrorized by her cellmate for the years she'd been in prison, but he'd never guessed that, Patricia Kelly had never been some 'hood rat's lesbian love slave'. She truly had loved her, and must have blamed Nick for Kelly's lack of return of the affection towards her. Finally the answers were coming. Nick was able to understand why the things that had happened to him had happened at all.

Brass stood outside with Nick as Catherine joined the rest of her team on yet another investigation of Nick's house. There really was little to be done. Nick's story explained exactly what had happened from the moment he'd realized he wasn't alone in the house. The only question that still needed answering was that of the woman's entry. How had she managed to get in in the first place?

"Hey Nick, you didn't touch anything did you?" Warrick came out onto the step with a concerned look on his face. He was looking at the front door with a crease between his eyebrows.

"No man," Nick answered, "I just came out here."

"Then you didn't leave your key in the door?"

"What?" Nick spun around to face his front door, which still stood ajar, and noticed for the first time a small metal key protruding from the lock. It was not his own. It wasn't on a key chain and besides, considering his past experiences, Nick was very careful about where he left his keys lately. "She had a key?"

"She must've," Warrick continued. "I don't think there's any other way she could've gotten in. She was walking through the front door the whole time. I'll bag it and dust for prints anyways but I think this is how she was managing it Nick."

Nick thought back as far as he could. _How could she have gotten a key?_ Upon closer examination it came screaming to his attention that he hadn't always been as careful with his locks as he was now. He used to be a very trusting person. All the ex-girlfriends who'd been given access to his home, any time he'd ever lost a set on the way to or from work… It was by no means impossible that Patricia had managed to get a hold of a key. Exactly how it came into her possession Nick guessed he would never know. I guess he really didn't need to.

As Nick and Brass had been talking, Brass doing most of the talking, a full-blown crime scene had unfolded around them. David had been called and had already given them the okay to remove the body. It was as Nick was watching the paramedics wheel a gurney loaded with a heavy black bag that he finally was able to accept the repercussions of what had happened to him that night. It was over… finally, truly over, and now he had a chance to rest.

Catherine, Sara, Greg, and Warrick left Nick's house after their investigation was complete. It hadn't taken them long considering they'd had Nick's story to inform them of exactly what had happened, they had all they needed to corroborate it. They all stood looking at Nick and soon conversation managed to break out. Each member of the team had to admit that Nick looked better than they'd seen him in a long time, the realization made it possible for them to smile and laugh again as they talked with their friend. It wasn't until Nick asked a completely innocent question that each of their faces fell, though each for a completely different reason.

"Hey you guys." Nick broke in halfway through their conversation outside his townhouse. "Where's Grissom anyway?"

**Okay I AM SO SORRY! I know it's been such a long time since I last updated but I don't believe how busy school's been going. I mean I've only been in for a few weeks and the homework load is obscene! So much for the 12th grade being the year to relax lol. Oh well. Again I am sorry. This is the second last chapter, which means this story is actually coming to a close and I think I'm gonna miss it a lot! Ah well I guess all good things must come to pass. I absolutely love reading your reviews PLZ PLZ review. **

**Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter:**

**sokerfreek922: I'm sorry the update took so long but I hope you're loving this story! Thanks so much. **

**GoofyGoofySanders: Wow (major blush when I read your review) lol but I'm thrilled you're enjoying the story. I'm not so sure this fic is good enough to be the first episode of season 6 lol but I am completely estatic that it is coming so soon SEPTEMBER 22 BABY YA! **

**everybetty: Wow way to guess it lol…and this was totally the plan all along. I guess you're just way too smart to fool! Sorry you didn't get your answers about Grissom (I'm sure you've guessed that that is what's coming up in the next chapter). Thanks a ton for the review.  
**

**Mma63: I know you didn't mean to put 'only a girl' lmao…Just kidding. But yes it was in fact a mere female that was causing all this mess. It may surprise you but there you go! Thanks so much for the review.  
**

**Nix707: Haha, Hope the clothes shopping wasn't too much of a drag! I know this chapter leaves a lot less suspense but there is only one more coming so what can you do! Hope you're having an easier time with your classes than I am lol. Thanks for the review!  
**


	14. A Clean Start

**Disclaimer: Still don't own the characters, just the situation. I got the info about he coaster (price, name, etc) from the Internet and I also copied some of the flashback text from the scripts found on the internet because I wanted to ensure that they were accurate. Enjoy the final chapter!**

Grissom planted himself firmly into the front car of the roller coaster. He'd been on the Manhattan Express hundreds of times. It was the length of ride that appealed to him most tonight. A young man walked towards him expecting the fee for the ride and Grissom shoved a $50 bill into his hand. The youth sighed and reached into the front of the apron he wore in order to extract Grissom's change but he was stopped before he was halfway through the motion by a simple gesture of Grissom's hand.

"I don't want change, I want five rides"

"Oh, okay." The kid looked at Grissom as though he doubted his sanity. Clearly this kid was aware that one trip on the longest coaster in Vegas was generally enough for a person, but he took the man's money anyways and, after making sure he was fastened securely into the cart, headed back towards the operating booth.

Grissom sighed only slightly as he leaned back into his seat. The coaster climbed slowly towards the heavens and as it did he heard the shouts and shrieks of anticipation from the people sharing the roller coaster with him. A familiar feeling of anticipation was bubbling within Grissom's chest but it was nothing compared to the dread that had taken up a permanent residence there. He had two hours remaining to him before the start of his next shift. He knew the rest of his – the team would have kept working through the day but he needed to be alone. Tonight he was submitting his request for dismissal. He was leaving the lab.

The coaster finished its steep climb and began its downward spiral. Back towards the pavement below, egged on by earth's gravity. Grissom allowed himself to be pulled with the machine beneath him. He tried to leave all his inhibitions and regrets in the air, to escape them with the unbelievable speed he experienced, but thought, he soon discovered, was inescapable.

His thoughts took him back to the lab. Back to over two years ago.

"Greg your hands are shaking" 

"_No they're not."_

_The paper Greg held in his right hand fluttered slightly despite his obvious efforts to keep it motionless. Greg's eyes flitted towards Grissom. They were filled with a fear Grissom recognized immediately…_

"_If you need me, I'll be around."_

"That's who I am!" Grissom screamed at himself. The coaster wound around to his left forcing his body to one side as he attempted to withstand the effect gravity was having on him. He was so used to roller coasters that the extra G's barely affected him at all. He was much more concerned with the image of a frightened lab tech and, more importantly, the comfort he'd been able to give him in his time of need. Grissom was still contemplating whether or not it was truly possible for a person to shatter another human being's psyche when he realized the roller coaster was slowing. Within a few moments the ride had ended and people were getting up from their seats, some trembling, most laughing and joking with their companions. Grissom alone remained seated.

He quickly began chastising himself for the mental lapse he'd been forced to endure during that first route on his supposed escape. He had come to this roller coaster in order to leave his worries behind, not to intensify them and bring them into sharper focus. He had to work harder to let himself go.

The ride began trudging once again up the steep slope intended to instill fear in the hearts of those seated within the carts. Grissom felt no such apprehension; his thoughts were now refusing to remain vague. They fell instead upon another of his friends. Warrick.

Warrick slowly removed his gun from its holster around his waist and fished his badge out of its place. He was prepared to lose everything he had over the loss of Holly Gribbs.

"_If I let you go, I have to let me go too…and Catherine, and Brass." _

_He handed Warrick back his dignity and watched him rise to face him squarely._

"_I won't let you down again."_

And he never had. Completely the opposite; he'd gone above and beyond the call of duty to end the corruption of one of Vegas's senior judiciaries. He hadn't given Grissom any reason to doubt him…but Grissom had spoken to him as though he were a piece of dirt beneath his shoe. Warrick would never forgive him.

Grissom continued the ride but his mind was oblivious to the lights and sounds screaming past him. There was nothing but what he remembered of his colleagues…his friends…and his family.

Again the roller coaster began its steep climb. This time Grissom was not even aware of having stopped to exchange passengers. He twisted in his seat to glance at the others on the coaster and realized he was the only one aboard. He was alone. In every sense of the word.

This time around Grissom managed to keep his mind blank for an entire quarter of the trip…until he passed upside down and was unfortunate enough to see a strawberry blond walking down the strip. He was immediately transported back to a small, sterile room in Desert Palms.

He sat on the small examining table staring blankly ahead. He was petrified of what was ahead of him and therefore did not notice the entrance of his best friend. She stood in the doorway observing him for a moment; she knew how scared he was even if he refused to admit it.

"_Hey"_

"_What are you doing here?"_

"_I just wanted to see you. And I didn't want you to go in without wishing you good luck."_

… "_Thank you…for being here"_

_And she'd hugged him. And in her embrace Grissom had found the strength to walk into what was facing him with his head held high. She hadn't told the others, there would be no decline in his dignity, even with his backside visible through the poorly designed hospital gown. She gave him the courage he needed to carry on._

"And how did I repay her?" …

Another serious of twists and turns, another labyrinth of pain within Grissom's head as he found himself again at the loading platform. This time several people boarded and Grissom watched them buckle themselves in securely. They were afraid to fall out. Grissom really didn't have anything to fear anymore.

But fear had meant a lot to someone close to him. It was fear that had kept Sara's past draped in shadow for so long. He'd known her for years before she'd found the courage to open up to him…to anyone.

"It's funny…the things you remember and the things you don't…Do you think there's a murder gene?"

"_I don't believe that genes are a predictor of violent behavior."_

"_You wouldn't know that in my house…I thought it was the way that everybody lived. When my mother killed my father, I found out that it wasn't"_

_Grissom reached out and took her hand in his._

He'd been there for her once. He'd supported her, watched her tears fall. He'd let her cry on his shoulder, figuratively of course. Even then he'd distanced himself from her. He let her know that he was there for her but went no further than that. Fear had hold of his life as well. He couldn't risk losing what he had on the chance that he'd find happiness in someone else. Now he would never have that chance. He'd broken her heart.

Grissom's heart stopped throbbing slightly as the roller coaster approached the landing platform again. With a jolt he realized that he could no longer hear the metallic clinking of the various machine parts performing their duties. The regular roar of the strip had dulled entirely…his world was silent once more.

It came as no surprise to Grissom that his hearing had cut out yet again. He'd begun to accept the fact that his hearing would be leaving him more and more frequently and for longer and longer periods of time. Someone sat immediately behind him but he ignored him or her completely and instead tried to focus on this, his last trip on the roller coaster, with the new perspective that had been forced on him.

Grissom felt the familiar movements of the car beneath him and tried to imagine living the rest of his life as he felt it now; completely alone. He was somewhat used to being alone physically, there had never been much companionship among corpses, but now he was experiencing something completely alien to him; he was alone mentally. Only his voice resounded in his head…nothing else ever again.

Slowly Grissom was forced to admit to himself what he'd been trying to deny for far too long…he was sorry for what he'd done. He realized too late that he was going to regret being alone for the rest of his life.

His final trip around the roller coaster track ended and Grissom finally stood with the other passengers and left the platform. He was the first to exit through the gate back onto the strip and he was so completely absorbed in his own thoughts of dismay at the fact that he was completely isolated in the world that his heart nearly faltered when the sounds of the city suddenly came rushing back to him just as he felt a hand on his right shoulder.

"Grissom?" Nick's voice was uncertain. He gazed into the face of the man opposite him with concern poorly masked behind his eyes. He had been the one sitting behind him during his last ride of the roller coaster but had been unable to get his attention. He'd just managed to catch up to him, but he seemed to have surprised Grissom completely.

"Nick," Grissom was panting slightly as he tried in vain to slow his racing heart. "I…I didn't hear you."

"No problem," Nick continued without missing a beat, "I'm glad I was able to find you. I wanted to update you on the case but I'm starving so we're going to the diner to get some eats."

Grissom wasn't enthusiastic about the idea. "You know Nick, I've gotta work tonight and I should really…"

"Too bad," Nick wouldn't let Grissom finish his thought. He steered him towards his car (as Grissom had merely been wandering down the strip when he'd found the roller coaster and had no vehicle of his own) and forced him into the passengers' seat. To be fair Grissom didn't offer much in the form of resistance…he was too lethargic to do much of anything.

Over the course of the next ten minutes, Nick filled Grissom in on what had happened in his absence concerning the case that mirrored Nick's own experiences. Nick spoke with pride of the fact that he was now in control of his emotions. He told Grissom that he no longer felt dependent on prescription drugs. Grissom informed him without conviction that he was happy for him.

The vehicle stopped and Grissom glanced up to see a familiar diner in front of them. He had little or no desire to set foot in the place that had played host to so many happy memories with his former family and so he made no motion to leave his seat. He was surprised when Nick didn't move either. He looked toward him and saw that his gaze was returned immediately.

"Aren't you going in?" Grissom decided to ask.

"Not yet," Nick replied. "We need to talk."

Grissom remained silent. He didn't see what Nick could possibly want to talk to him about.

"Apparently you've been quite the ass lately."

Grissom's mouth opened slightly as he stared blankly at Nick. His ears weren't lying to him but he still had trouble believing that the words had come out of the mouth of Nicolas Stokes.

"Everyone came clean once we were together Grissom. You really underestimated us…It took Catherine a whole thirty seconds to decipher your master plan. I've gotta say you're slipping in you old age."

Grissom recognized the joke aimed towards his age but let it slip past him. This couldn't be happening. He'd done everything he could to ensure the other members of the team would hate him for the rest of their lives. It didn't make any sense.

"But…the others?"

"Oh don't get me wrong," Nick responded to Grissom's unasked question, "they're still mad as hell with you… From what I've heard you were a complete ass towards them. But we also realized that deep down you're scared…and people can do some strange things when they're scared."

Grissom was confused and beginning to get angry. His plan had failed completely, all the pain he'd caused had been for nothing…How could Nick be taking this so lightly!

Nick read the look in Grissom's face within seconds of it having appeared. He realized further explanation was necessary.

"Gris, look." Grissom paused at the sound of his nickname. "I'm not gonna lie to you…you acted like a jerk to the whole team. But Catherine told us about how shocked you seemed to be when she brought to you're attention that we are in fact a family. To tell the truth I can't believe you didn't see it before but that's beside the point. We also have to admit that in some sick demented kind of way, you were trying to protect us. You failed miserably, but you tried all the same."

Grissom let Nick's words wash over him in a wave of confused emotions. He was angry that his plan had failed; now his friends would have no protection from the pain of his withdrawal from their lives. At the same time he was having trouble containing his exuberance; it seemed there was a possibility he would have a second chance with this…he could say his goodbyes properly (and while he could still hear theirs).

Nick was now rising from his seat and gesturing Grissom to do the same. "Come on," he said, "there's a surprise waiting for you inside."

Grissom followed Nick into the diner and when he saw what was waiting for him his heart nearly stopped again. Sara, Warrick, Catherine, Greg and Brass were sitting around a table near the back. They all stopped talking when they noticed Grissom's entrance. Nick quickly moved to the table to join the rest of the team but Grissom hesitated. It was clear from the looks on their faces that the people gathered there were not overjoyed to see him.

Suddenly Greg rose from the table and walked towards Grissom. Once he was within reach he punched him hard in the shoulder and said simply, "That's for being such an ass… Now come sit down," before moving to regain his seat at the table.

Grissom followed Greg nervously. There was no more room in the booth so he pulled a chair from a nearby table and dragged it into the aisle. He took a seat avoiding the eyes of everyone there. Slowly Catherine reached into her purse and pulled out a single piece of paper. She shoved it purposely, and somewhat angrily, towards Grissom.

Grissom looked down at the piece of paper… and stared at it for nearly a minute. When he finally looked up everyone there was surprised to see a single tear upon his cheek. He was gazing down at a pamphlet for a sign-language course, into which every member of the team had already enrolled.

"Grissom," Catherine started, "As dumb as you've been at times I never thought you'd be stupid enough not to know what the word 'family' means. I had to tell you we were a family, now I guess I'll have to explain what that means. You Will Never Be Alone!"

Slowly the other occupants of the table nodded their agreement. Grissom couldn't speak.

Eventually talk began to break out around the table. Grissom didn't participate; he didn't trust himself to speak at the moment. He knew that he would have a lot of explaining, and apologizing, to do concerning his recent actions, but at the moment it as unimportant. All he could do was watch his friends – his family and thank god that he had them.

"Well," Nick said suddenly standing up and facing the rest of the team, "Some of us have to work tonight." He finished with a smirk. He knew full well that everyone there was scheduled for the shift starting in a little over an hour. The table shifted slightly as everyone rose from their seats and headed towards the door.

Nick turned back to look at Grissom once more, who had remained seated and watched his friends head in the opposite direction.

"Well Boss," Nick said to him. "What do you say to a clean start?"

"That sounds nice." Grissom answered and he stood up to follow the rest of his team out the door.

THE END

**I can't believe it's actually over! sniff lol, so ends my first ever fanfiction. Please please tell me what you thought of it I really appreciate your thoughts. I realize this chapter ended the story in a very happy way but, at one of my favorite characters, I refused to let Grissom's tale end badly. I hope you approve!**

**An enormous thank you goes to my Beta (Maddy I love ya baby) Without whom my story would have been plagued with countless careless mistakes!**

**I also am estatic to say that I am the proud owner of seasons 1-4 on DVD due to the fact that my friends are incredible (received them as presents for my Birthday!)**

**I thought the season 6 premiere was awesome and I can't wait for more!**

**And Thank YOU ALL FOR THE REVIEWS! **

**Nix707: thanks so much for the faithful reviews over the course of the story. I know I've been slacking in my reviews but I've been so incredibly busy I haven't had much time for reading fanfic unfortunately. I hope you liked the story! **

**Mma63: I was surprised to hear English isn't your first language you speak/type it really well! What is your first language? I'm going to miss this story so much but I guess all good things must come to and end and maybe now I can start another story! Thanks so much for all the reviews.**

sokerfreek922: **Sorry this update was no faster than the last one but I'm Blaming the meanness of high school teachers lol. I really hope you liked this chapter I think it might be my favorite but it might not be for everyone. Thanks again!**

**Everybetty: Your reviews have always been so supportive and I truly thank you for them from the bottom of my heart. I appreciate them so much. I hope you enjoy this the last chapter of my story!**

**One last Massive THANK YOU to all my readers!**


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